Hurt

Today, she talked to me. Or should I say, I talked to her. I have to initiate the conversation if not she would never have talked to me. And she invited me to her birthday dinner tomorrow.

While I'm happy that she is making this step to rebuild our friendship, I can't help but be hurt that if I didn't approach her and find out what was wrong and tried to made amends, she would have totally not told me about the dinner and gone on without me.

It cut me deeply because when someone proclaims to be my best friend and then because of one problem intentionally not involved me in something so big, it makes me wonder if she even values this friendship. She invited people she just met but would have excluded me, her supposed best friend.

I don't know what to feel. I know I should be thankful that she finally is reaching out to me, but yet I am very deeply hurt by her actions. Everytime I think about it, I go on the verge of crying.

Another thing that makes me even sadder is that I've been sick and tired and been burdened with many problems to deal with, and yet my "best friend" doesn't seem to care or even ASK how I am doing. Instead, people I've just known for over a month seem to care more about me and are constantly asking if I'm ok and what they can do to help.

I'm so tired of being hurt and sometimes this is the reason why I don't like to open my heart and be vunerable to people. Because they can hurt you so deeply. Maybe I've chosen wrong for a best friend. Maybe she does not know how deeply she's hurt me. Maybe she doesn't even care.