An update on my spiritual journey.
I think that being away from home has been good for me. I am searching more for God and His comfort. I yearn to destroy the sins in my life and make Him proud.
There's this new yearning and longing for God and I think its great. However, the journey is tough. I am finding myself lapsing into my sins and after that feeling the guilt and the shame. I want to please God, but how?!?!?! I don't want Him to be angry at me!!!!
I noticed myself becoming more emotional. And that's not a bad thing, I think. Whenever, I heard God's people speak about his grace and mercies, whenever I hear a meaningful song, whenever I hear a sermon that seems to be talking to me, tears fall. Time and time again, God is using those around me to call to me, remind me and prompt me. Maybe He has been doing it all along, but my stubbornness and willfulness have been a brick wall. God is slowly chipping away at the wall and through the holes, His Word is pouring through.
I have started going back to doing Quiet Time. It's not been smooth and I have a long way to go. Somedays I find myself not doing it and I keep pushing it off. I have to force myself. But you know what? When I go to His Word with a quiet mind and with no distractions, I find Him pressing on my heart and jolting me.
Let me share something I learnt from reading "Our Journey". I was doing my QT on the September 1st article and it is titled "Do Something Radical". The verses are Hebrews 10:26-31, with the key verse being verse 26.
It goes like this:
"If we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins..."
What impacted me was that THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!!! God means it!!! If I continue to deliberatly sin even after I have accepted God into my life, there will not be a sacrifice for me anymore... That means facing the terrible consequences of God's judgment. This is SCARY!!! When I face God, will I be hanging my head in shame? Will I regret all the sin I commited AGAINST God?
Oh God, pls work in me. Pls shape and chisel away at my roughness. Pls help me to accept whatever you put in my way and grow to know you so deeply and passionate Lord. This is my prayer.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Where to Start?
So much have been happening since I've last posted! Where do I start? Hm... I'll try to summarise.
My dad came to town for the RBC Ministries Intl Conference and I spent the last 2 weekends with him and the others. It's been a good time.
My mom was supposed to fly in on Sep 17. Unfortunately, her older brother, my uncle is in critical condition in the hospital. There was a virus that attacked him and he was pumped with strong antibiotics. However, years of drinking heavily have rendered his kidney and liver incapable of clearing all the toxics and thus his body is full of toxic that has to be drained out of him by tubes. He also has to go to dialysis every 2 days to give his body a fighting chance. As my uncle is a bachelor, my mom has to be there to take care of him and also give support to my grandmother who is very worried and anxious.
The good news in all these is that my uncle FINALLY accepted the Lord into his life, after years of stubbornness. He was also baptised and my mom has been reading the Bible with him everyday and praying with Him. It makes me think. When we get so proud and think we can rule our own lives, God has to hit us over the head with bricks to get us to pay attention to Him and realise our weakness and mortality. This happened to my uncle, I think. Years of God's gentle prompts went ignored and thus God had to do something drastic to get his attention. Of course, my uncle's choice to be an alcoholic also contributed GREATLY to this problem.
I don't know if I'm being mean and evil, but I feel that my uncle deserves it. We have told him for years that his body is being damaged by his drinking, but he chose to ignore our warnings. Now that his choice has led to this consequence, I kinda feel that he has been asking for this for years. I am more worried for my grandmother and my mom. My mom has to go to the hospital everyday to feed him and take care of him. She also has to take care of my grandmother and make sure she eats and sleeps and don't worry herself to illness. My mom is very tired. And I feel bad because none of us are there! My dad and I are here in the US, my brother is over in Australia. None of us are there to help shoulder the burden and support her emotional and physically.
My mom said that maybe the Lord has allowed us to be away when this happened because it makes the others in the family step up to the responsiblity and tasks. If we were there, we would be doing everything. My auntie and her husband flew down from Malaysia and have been there since. My other uncle visits him every night, even though he is very tired from work. My cousin helps to take care of stuff. If we were there, we would be doing all of these. So even though it feels like horrible timing to me, there is no stuff thing as horrible timing in God's plan.
Well, on to nicer news. I got an on-campus job with the Web Maintenance Crew. We maintance the school websites, build it, correct it, stuff like that. It pays quite well, compared to other jobs on campus. I start tomorrow (Monday) from 1 to 5pm. My other time slot is Friday at the same time.
I have a few items I would like you all to pray with me:
1. Pray for my uncle. That in this time of pain, he will grow in the Lord and learn to trust and obey Him.
2. Pray for my mom that she will have physical and emotional strength. Most importantly, spiritual strength. Pray that God will carry her through this as she leans heavily on him. Pray also for God's wisdom in her, to deal with the medical issues,t eh insurance and others.
3. Pray for my grandmother that her health won't deteoriate because of this. Pray that she will learn to quieten her soul and trust God.
4. Pray for me as I take on this new job. Pray for a good testimony in my work ethics, words, thoughts and actions.
My dad came to town for the RBC Ministries Intl Conference and I spent the last 2 weekends with him and the others. It's been a good time.
My mom was supposed to fly in on Sep 17. Unfortunately, her older brother, my uncle is in critical condition in the hospital. There was a virus that attacked him and he was pumped with strong antibiotics. However, years of drinking heavily have rendered his kidney and liver incapable of clearing all the toxics and thus his body is full of toxic that has to be drained out of him by tubes. He also has to go to dialysis every 2 days to give his body a fighting chance. As my uncle is a bachelor, my mom has to be there to take care of him and also give support to my grandmother who is very worried and anxious.
The good news in all these is that my uncle FINALLY accepted the Lord into his life, after years of stubbornness. He was also baptised and my mom has been reading the Bible with him everyday and praying with Him. It makes me think. When we get so proud and think we can rule our own lives, God has to hit us over the head with bricks to get us to pay attention to Him and realise our weakness and mortality. This happened to my uncle, I think. Years of God's gentle prompts went ignored and thus God had to do something drastic to get his attention. Of course, my uncle's choice to be an alcoholic also contributed GREATLY to this problem.
I don't know if I'm being mean and evil, but I feel that my uncle deserves it. We have told him for years that his body is being damaged by his drinking, but he chose to ignore our warnings. Now that his choice has led to this consequence, I kinda feel that he has been asking for this for years. I am more worried for my grandmother and my mom. My mom has to go to the hospital everyday to feed him and take care of him. She also has to take care of my grandmother and make sure she eats and sleeps and don't worry herself to illness. My mom is very tired. And I feel bad because none of us are there! My dad and I are here in the US, my brother is over in Australia. None of us are there to help shoulder the burden and support her emotional and physically.
My mom said that maybe the Lord has allowed us to be away when this happened because it makes the others in the family step up to the responsiblity and tasks. If we were there, we would be doing everything. My auntie and her husband flew down from Malaysia and have been there since. My other uncle visits him every night, even though he is very tired from work. My cousin helps to take care of stuff. If we were there, we would be doing all of these. So even though it feels like horrible timing to me, there is no stuff thing as horrible timing in God's plan.
Well, on to nicer news. I got an on-campus job with the Web Maintenance Crew. We maintance the school websites, build it, correct it, stuff like that. It pays quite well, compared to other jobs on campus. I start tomorrow (Monday) from 1 to 5pm. My other time slot is Friday at the same time.
I have a few items I would like you all to pray with me:
1. Pray for my uncle. That in this time of pain, he will grow in the Lord and learn to trust and obey Him.
2. Pray for my mom that she will have physical and emotional strength. Most importantly, spiritual strength. Pray that God will carry her through this as she leans heavily on him. Pray also for God's wisdom in her, to deal with the medical issues,t eh insurance and others.
3. Pray for my grandmother that her health won't deteoriate because of this. Pray that she will learn to quieten her soul and trust God.
4. Pray for me as I take on this new job. Pray for a good testimony in my work ethics, words, thoughts and actions.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
I'm Alive!!
Hilow!! I'm here!!! I'm still alive and kicking very hard!!!
This past 2 weeks have been CRAZYYYYY!! Orientation took up a good part of last week and over the weekend I sorted my room out, went to church with Uncle Bill and family and just tried to get on the timezone.
On Monday, I went to a job fair in the morning for on campus jobs. I applied for this Web Maintenance job with the Computer and Information Department of the school. Just basically updating the web site and stuff. Should be easy for me. They got back to me this morning and I'm going in next Fri for an interview.
Tuesday, school started. It was a longgg day. Started at 8am and ended 6pm. It was a whacked out day. I had the class Geology in the Field... and it never really occurred to me that it really meant IN THE FIELD!! We went to the sand dunes nearby and guess what... We climbed this nearly VERTICAL sand dune and others for over 3 hours!!!!! Now I did say I wanted to get fit... but not all at once! It was soooooo hard. I almost died from sheer exhaustion. And every class would be field trips like that!!! So after much consideration... ok, ok... the decision was made pretty fast, I decided to drop the class. So i ended up with 14 credits. So I though, hey, I wanna fill it up to 16 credit!!
Well... the only class that was open now was this Comm 300 level class that was 4 credit!! So now, I'm on 18 credit!! 2 over the recommended... And boy does my time table show for it!! Mon and Fri is pretty much only one class lasting one hour. on Tuesday, My classes starts at 8am and end at 5pm, with a one hour lunch break in between. Wed I have 3 classes that have longer breaks in between... now THURSDAY... is mad!!! I have 6 classes, from 8am to 5pm, with NO BREAK in between AT ALLL!!! So bascially, I survived today on zone bars!!!! Now, I'm SURE to lose weight like this.
Oh and for people interested, I've uploaded my pictures onto a collection thingy, so go look k? I'll update it when I get new pictures! http://deborahli.shutterfly.com/
This past 2 weeks have been CRAZYYYYY!! Orientation took up a good part of last week and over the weekend I sorted my room out, went to church with Uncle Bill and family and just tried to get on the timezone.
On Monday, I went to a job fair in the morning for on campus jobs. I applied for this Web Maintenance job with the Computer and Information Department of the school. Just basically updating the web site and stuff. Should be easy for me. They got back to me this morning and I'm going in next Fri for an interview.
Tuesday, school started. It was a longgg day. Started at 8am and ended 6pm. It was a whacked out day. I had the class Geology in the Field... and it never really occurred to me that it really meant IN THE FIELD!! We went to the sand dunes nearby and guess what... We climbed this nearly VERTICAL sand dune and others for over 3 hours!!!!! Now I did say I wanted to get fit... but not all at once! It was soooooo hard. I almost died from sheer exhaustion. And every class would be field trips like that!!! So after much consideration... ok, ok... the decision was made pretty fast, I decided to drop the class. So i ended up with 14 credits. So I though, hey, I wanna fill it up to 16 credit!!
Well... the only class that was open now was this Comm 300 level class that was 4 credit!! So now, I'm on 18 credit!! 2 over the recommended... And boy does my time table show for it!! Mon and Fri is pretty much only one class lasting one hour. on Tuesday, My classes starts at 8am and end at 5pm, with a one hour lunch break in between. Wed I have 3 classes that have longer breaks in between... now THURSDAY... is mad!!! I have 6 classes, from 8am to 5pm, with NO BREAK in between AT ALLL!!! So bascially, I survived today on zone bars!!!! Now, I'm SURE to lose weight like this.
Oh and for people interested, I've uploaded my pictures onto a collection thingy, so go look k? I'll update it when I get new pictures! http://deborahli.shutterfly.com/
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