Noise is Back

The people are back from break and things are back to its noisy, fun, laughter-filled self! I'm happy!

I'm also happy that I'm heading home soon in 14 days!! 2 WEEKS!! I can't WAITTTTTTTTTT!!

Quiet House, Amazing Realization

I didn't realise how much I value the talks and laughter I share with my house mates and my friends until they went back home for Thanksgiving break and my house is suddenly so quiet.

A sense of loneliness came over me, partly because I wish I could go home too for the weekend, and partly because I miss the conversations I have with them, especially with someone who has unexpectedly became one of my very good friends in just 3 months.

Funny how God surprises us with unexpected gifts. I never thought I would so comfortable and so open to this person. After many hours of talking about our life, our purpose, our families and stuff, we've become close and I value his presence and comfort. What a blessing! What a true friend, someone who senses that I need support or just the presence of a comforting soul and is willing to push aside other things to be there for me.

We have almost daily conversations and just talk about random stuff and have fun. I didn't realise how much I've gotten used to him being around and just being there. Funny ah?

Word of the Day: Armor of God

On the Last Chapter of Ephesians. In the later part of the Chapter, Paul tells the church to "be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might." (Ephesians 6:10).

He talks about the armor of God and what it means to put it on (verses 14 to 18).

Waist Girdle: Truth
Breastplate: Righteousness
Shod the Feet: Preparation for the Gospel of Peace
Shield: Faith
Helmet: Salvation
Sword: Spirit - Word of God

Final Action: PRAYING in the Spirit, leading to BOLDNESS to make known the mystery of the gospel.

What I've noticed is that while God wants us to put all those equipment on to be strong, it is to be strong in HIM, not in our own strength and our own abilities. And I've also noticed that praying here is not used as a "doing nothing" thing but in fact, it is a very active ACTION word. God does not want us to go fight the battle without any preparation. Our prep work is the armor and the PRAYING, getting ready for the day when He calls us into active battle.

So dear friends, put on the Armor of God and prepare daily for the day when our dear Lord, Savior and King calls us to go out into the battlefield and win the souls of all who need Him.

Meaningful Lessons

I've been learning some life lessons during the last few weeks through various avenues - relationships, sadness, tiredness, the Bible and more... All of which are being used by God to guide me and remind me of life's priorities.

1. A True Friend is one who is willing to spend time with you, just being there, when you're down. He/She is willing to put aside other stuff and realizes that friendship is more valuable.

I'm sad and happy to say that I have had to realize this the tough way. Sad, because the one I thought was a good friend never did this. Happy, because the most unexpected person turned out to be this good friend. God is loving and He gave me the right person at the right moment.

2. Responsibilities are overrated. I'm realizing that I don't like them at all, but they are necessary to grow, learn and use my freedom wisely.

I'm going to try and shed some of the extra activities next semester that have no meaning and lasting impact and focus more on those which do. I am learning that being busy with activities is not good. Instead, being busy with building relationships is what I should focus on.

3. I am too negative thinking and it affects the way I deal with the issue. When I start focusing on the negative parts, my entire perception changes and it leads to me become unable to do well on that issue. I have to be more positive thinking and look at the good side, not forgetting the bad, but not allowing it to take me over.

4. I've reading Ephesians now and there is one line that has jumped at me.

"Be angry, and do not sin." Ephesians 4:26

That sounds like a paradox doesn't it? How can I be angry, yet not sin? Is this righteous anger? What categorizes it? How do I know that I'm sinning or not when I'm angry? This led me to:

"Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still." Psalm 4:4

Hmm... Meditate within my heart and be still... I don't know EXACTLY what it means but I'm guessing that its to reflect on it positively in private and quieten my heart and mind and allow God to help me deal with my anger. Any other ideas?

Word of the Day

Why I am up at 6:30am willingly without an alarm clock I do not know. I have not been sleeping well the last few days, been tossing and turning and have been unable to have a peaceful sleep. So instead of trying to fight it, I just woke up and decided to do my Bible reading for the day. Actually, reading it in the morning when I'm wide awake and when the house is very quiet and peaceful is VERY VERY good. So anyway, this is my reading for the day.

Galatians Chapters 4 to 6. I'm just going to quote a section that I've found very interesting and good for me.

Galatians 5:13-22
For you, brethren, have been called to liberty: only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: "You shall love your neighbour as yourself."
But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!

I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another. so that you do not do the things that you wish.
But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.
And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

Tithing for the Bills or the People?

I have something against churches who get loans from banks for the sake of building an amazing place for the Lord's Work. I'm sorry, but the Lord's Work does not need expensive wall panels, thick carpets and comfy chairs. God does NOT need you to have a building to serve Him.

Whatever happened to not being yoked with the World. The way I see it, oweing tons of money to the bank and spending years to pay it off is being yoked with the World. Who are you constructing this building for, REALLY? For God, or for the impression and the good reputation it will bring the church. Because if God really wants you to have this building, I'm pretty sure he'll provide all the finances you need without you having to borrow money from the bank. After all, God has all the riches in the World. I'm sure he'll provide for your needs so you don't need to be in debt to the World.

This is RIDICULOUS!! What is happening to churches nowadays? It seems all I see are building projects and them encouraging us to 'tithe' to the church for the building. I do not want my money going to bills and interest loans repayments. I want it to go directly to the PEOPLE, to reaching out directly to the community and providing tangible help to them! I am pretty sure we can do all these without a fancy building, probably even more!

Will you love me enough?

With so many scandals ongoing now in the church, it has caused me to think. So many church leaders have sinned and continued to sin while serving in the Church and NO ONE SAID ANYTHING.

That is very sad. As members of the Body of Christ, we have to hold each other accountable for our actions, no matter what our "position" in the church. In fact, the more responsibilities we take on, the more people HAVE to hold us accountable because of the influence we have on others.

Many times, out of respect, people will keep their mouths shut when they see someone sinning or even close to sinning. That is not true respect. If you truly respect and love that person, you will not want them to fall into the pit of sin. You will pull them up and awaken them to their senses, even if this might cause you to lose their friendship for a while.

I'm not saying we have a right to be judgemental. I'm saying we have a DUTY to one another to lovingly reproach and help one another stay on the long and narrow path.

"Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear." Proverbs 25:12.

As one blogger (Everyday Mommy) wrote in her blog, "How immeasurable is the value of our friends who, in the bold act of love, reprove us when we need reproving. Faithful are the wounds of a friend who knows when to say, "Have you examined yourself?""

Will you be such a friend and hold me accountable? Will you tell me and pull me back when you see me walking close to the edge? Will you pray alongside me and help me find my way back to Christ? Will you LOVE me enough to reproach me?

21!

My birthday is happening in 12 hours!!! November 4, remember that wonderful day! wohoo!! I'm turning 21!! And I'm going to celebrate differently from a lot of college students! I'm going for a nice lunch with friends and... that's all! NO DRINKING!! NO ALCOHOL!! and NO GETTING DRUNK!!

Let's be unique!

Different versions of friendship

Things have gotten a bit better. She is somewhat talking to me, although she seems to love to talk to people on the phone more than to me who is living next door. She also asked me to go with her earlier to the dinner to reserve the seats. Although I take this as her saying things are back to normal, these past days have made me reflect and seriously analyse this friendship.

I have come to several conclusions after the thought process and heartache.

1. Her definition of "Best Friend" is very different from me. I expect a lot deeper and closer ties than she does.

2. She's never really been all that much interested in my life. She would let me talk a bit about stuff but then she'll switch the topic back to her life.

3. I've been blinded to all these and more maybe because last year, I was thrown into a new country and new school and life and she was one thing that was stable and she was one the quickest to get to know me. (She's very friendly and makes friends easily.)

4. I have different expectations of what best friends should do for each other.

All these have led to me concluding that maybe to her, she might label me as her best friend, but I've realized that I would just say she's a good friend. It hurts that I've "lost" a best friend but seeing that she never really was that close to me on a very deep level, I just feel stupid for not seeing this sooner.

So the last few days of crying, being hurt and having everything accumulating on me, especially that emotional turmoil I've been experiencing, has taken a toil on my health. I'm eating less (which is probably a good thing), not sleeping well and having headaches.

Even though it really hurts now and it will take a while to get out of it, I do know that God is allowing this to happen to me so that I can realize how desperately needy I am of Him and His love. Progress is slow, but I am finally slowly taking those steps to abandon my pride and stubborness and cling on Him. To hold on tight to He who will never forsake nor hurt me like humans can.

If you are willing, please pray for me, that I will be willing to learn and accept whatever God has planned for me, especially in this hard time. Also pray that my loneliness will not push me away from God into other stuff, but will pull me closer into His loving arms.

Thanks.

Alone

I don't know why I'm crying...
I don't know why I hurt so bad...
I just know that God is my Father...
And even though I feel so alone...
He will never forsake me nor leave me...