Different versions of friendship

Things have gotten a bit better. She is somewhat talking to me, although she seems to love to talk to people on the phone more than to me who is living next door. She also asked me to go with her earlier to the dinner to reserve the seats. Although I take this as her saying things are back to normal, these past days have made me reflect and seriously analyse this friendship.

I have come to several conclusions after the thought process and heartache.

1. Her definition of "Best Friend" is very different from me. I expect a lot deeper and closer ties than she does.

2. She's never really been all that much interested in my life. She would let me talk a bit about stuff but then she'll switch the topic back to her life.

3. I've been blinded to all these and more maybe because last year, I was thrown into a new country and new school and life and she was one thing that was stable and she was one the quickest to get to know me. (She's very friendly and makes friends easily.)

4. I have different expectations of what best friends should do for each other.

All these have led to me concluding that maybe to her, she might label me as her best friend, but I've realized that I would just say she's a good friend. It hurts that I've "lost" a best friend but seeing that she never really was that close to me on a very deep level, I just feel stupid for not seeing this sooner.

So the last few days of crying, being hurt and having everything accumulating on me, especially that emotional turmoil I've been experiencing, has taken a toil on my health. I'm eating less (which is probably a good thing), not sleeping well and having headaches.

Even though it really hurts now and it will take a while to get out of it, I do know that God is allowing this to happen to me so that I can realize how desperately needy I am of Him and His love. Progress is slow, but I am finally slowly taking those steps to abandon my pride and stubborness and cling on Him. To hold on tight to He who will never forsake nor hurt me like humans can.

If you are willing, please pray for me, that I will be willing to learn and accept whatever God has planned for me, especially in this hard time. Also pray that my loneliness will not push me away from God into other stuff, but will pull me closer into His loving arms.

Thanks.