I feel like I'm torn inside. Whenever it comes to making a decision about my spiritual life, I feel like I have an angel and devil sitting on opposite sides on my shoulders, you know the common representative always used in tv.
The angel - The side of me that wants to be closer to God and give up my evil ways
The devil - The lazy side of me that does not want to put the effort, determination and discipline into seeking God and turning from my sins.
I just had a mental conversation with myself.
My angel said, "I want to start having a daily routine of personal quiet time with God."
My devil said, "Nah, its too much work. And we don't see any results."
Angel, "The only way I can see results is if we form this routine and keep at it. Learning and talking more with God."
Devil, "We always fail the next day anyway. So why bother?"
Angel, "I can make a timetable. Either every morning or every night, at a set time."
Devil, "If in the morning, we'll have to get up early. And u know how much we hate that. At night, we're doing work or destressing."
Angel, "Talking to God is destressing. The best destresser ever."
This was what was going on in my head, until I decided to sit down and write it out here. Well, it's not in whole sentences, but you get the idea.
Thinking back, I usually like my "devil" side win... When it comes to important spiritual matters, I turn lazy and don't wanna bother, since I don't see the results instantly. Maybe that's what I need to change, that instant attitude.
Pray with me, that my angel side will win...
"Dear Lord,
Pls Pls Pls help me. I can't do this alone. I'm too stubborn. Lord, plsssss help me. I don't wanna end up far from you. I want to be with you and in you. But Lord, its so hard. I can;t do it alone. Pls, give me the determination and strength to seek u every day and second. Help me be the woman I envision myself to be years later. Pls.
Amen"
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