Interesting how God springs surprises...
It's funny how a person can slowly creep into my life and weigh anchor.
It's funny how someone can slowly gain such importance in my day and life.
It's funny how seeing someone smile makes me want to smile too.
It's funny how open I can be, without any games or beating around the bush, knowing that someone will not judge but give your questions thought and the honest answers.
It's not a romantic, high electric feeling that the world tells us. It's respectful, honoring and quiet... It's prayerful and trustful and most of all, learning obedience to the Lord in this...
It's Funny...
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Quiet House, Amazing Realization
I didn't realise how much I value the talks and laughter I share with my house mates and my friends until they went back home for Thanksgiving break and my house is suddenly so quiet.
A sense of loneliness came over me, partly because I wish I could go home too for the weekend, and partly because I miss the conversations I have with them, especially with someone who has unexpectedly became one of my very good friends in just 3 months.
Funny how God surprises us with unexpected gifts. I never thought I would so comfortable and so open to this person. After many hours of talking about our life, our purpose, our families and stuff, we've become close and I value his presence and comfort. What a blessing! What a true friend, someone who senses that I need support or just the presence of a comforting soul and is willing to push aside other things to be there for me.
We have almost daily conversations and just talk about random stuff and have fun. I didn't realise how much I've gotten used to him being around and just being there. Funny ah?
A sense of loneliness came over me, partly because I wish I could go home too for the weekend, and partly because I miss the conversations I have with them, especially with someone who has unexpectedly became one of my very good friends in just 3 months.
Funny how God surprises us with unexpected gifts. I never thought I would so comfortable and so open to this person. After many hours of talking about our life, our purpose, our families and stuff, we've become close and I value his presence and comfort. What a blessing! What a true friend, someone who senses that I need support or just the presence of a comforting soul and is willing to push aside other things to be there for me.
We have almost daily conversations and just talk about random stuff and have fun. I didn't realise how much I've gotten used to him being around and just being there. Funny ah?
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Different versions of friendship
Things have gotten a bit better. She is somewhat talking to me, although she seems to love to talk to people on the phone more than to me who is living next door. She also asked me to go with her earlier to the dinner to reserve the seats. Although I take this as her saying things are back to normal, these past days have made me reflect and seriously analyse this friendship.
I have come to several conclusions after the thought process and heartache.
1. Her definition of "Best Friend" is very different from me. I expect a lot deeper and closer ties than she does.
2. She's never really been all that much interested in my life. She would let me talk a bit about stuff but then she'll switch the topic back to her life.
3. I've been blinded to all these and more maybe because last year, I was thrown into a new country and new school and life and she was one thing that was stable and she was one the quickest to get to know me. (She's very friendly and makes friends easily.)
4. I have different expectations of what best friends should do for each other.
All these have led to me concluding that maybe to her, she might label me as her best friend, but I've realized that I would just say she's a good friend. It hurts that I've "lost" a best friend but seeing that she never really was that close to me on a very deep level, I just feel stupid for not seeing this sooner.
So the last few days of crying, being hurt and having everything accumulating on me, especially that emotional turmoil I've been experiencing, has taken a toil on my health. I'm eating less (which is probably a good thing), not sleeping well and having headaches.
Even though it really hurts now and it will take a while to get out of it, I do know that God is allowing this to happen to me so that I can realize how desperately needy I am of Him and His love. Progress is slow, but I am finally slowly taking those steps to abandon my pride and stubborness and cling on Him. To hold on tight to He who will never forsake nor hurt me like humans can.
If you are willing, please pray for me, that I will be willing to learn and accept whatever God has planned for me, especially in this hard time. Also pray that my loneliness will not push me away from God into other stuff, but will pull me closer into His loving arms.
Thanks.
I have come to several conclusions after the thought process and heartache.
1. Her definition of "Best Friend" is very different from me. I expect a lot deeper and closer ties than she does.
2. She's never really been all that much interested in my life. She would let me talk a bit about stuff but then she'll switch the topic back to her life.
3. I've been blinded to all these and more maybe because last year, I was thrown into a new country and new school and life and she was one thing that was stable and she was one the quickest to get to know me. (She's very friendly and makes friends easily.)
4. I have different expectations of what best friends should do for each other.
All these have led to me concluding that maybe to her, she might label me as her best friend, but I've realized that I would just say she's a good friend. It hurts that I've "lost" a best friend but seeing that she never really was that close to me on a very deep level, I just feel stupid for not seeing this sooner.
So the last few days of crying, being hurt and having everything accumulating on me, especially that emotional turmoil I've been experiencing, has taken a toil on my health. I'm eating less (which is probably a good thing), not sleeping well and having headaches.
Even though it really hurts now and it will take a while to get out of it, I do know that God is allowing this to happen to me so that I can realize how desperately needy I am of Him and His love. Progress is slow, but I am finally slowly taking those steps to abandon my pride and stubborness and cling on Him. To hold on tight to He who will never forsake nor hurt me like humans can.
If you are willing, please pray for me, that I will be willing to learn and accept whatever God has planned for me, especially in this hard time. Also pray that my loneliness will not push me away from God into other stuff, but will pull me closer into His loving arms.
Thanks.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Hurt
Today, she talked to me. Or should I say, I talked to her. I have to initiate the conversation if not she would never have talked to me. And she invited me to her birthday dinner tomorrow.
While I'm happy that she is making this step to rebuild our friendship, I can't help but be hurt that if I didn't approach her and find out what was wrong and tried to made amends, she would have totally not told me about the dinner and gone on without me.
It cut me deeply because when someone proclaims to be my best friend and then because of one problem intentionally not involved me in something so big, it makes me wonder if she even values this friendship. She invited people she just met but would have excluded me, her supposed best friend.
I don't know what to feel. I know I should be thankful that she finally is reaching out to me, but yet I am very deeply hurt by her actions. Everytime I think about it, I go on the verge of crying.
Another thing that makes me even sadder is that I've been sick and tired and been burdened with many problems to deal with, and yet my "best friend" doesn't seem to care or even ASK how I am doing. Instead, people I've just known for over a month seem to care more about me and are constantly asking if I'm ok and what they can do to help.
I'm so tired of being hurt and sometimes this is the reason why I don't like to open my heart and be vunerable to people. Because they can hurt you so deeply. Maybe I've chosen wrong for a best friend. Maybe she does not know how deeply she's hurt me. Maybe she doesn't even care.
While I'm happy that she is making this step to rebuild our friendship, I can't help but be hurt that if I didn't approach her and find out what was wrong and tried to made amends, she would have totally not told me about the dinner and gone on without me.
It cut me deeply because when someone proclaims to be my best friend and then because of one problem intentionally not involved me in something so big, it makes me wonder if she even values this friendship. She invited people she just met but would have excluded me, her supposed best friend.
I don't know what to feel. I know I should be thankful that she finally is reaching out to me, but yet I am very deeply hurt by her actions. Everytime I think about it, I go on the verge of crying.
Another thing that makes me even sadder is that I've been sick and tired and been burdened with many problems to deal with, and yet my "best friend" doesn't seem to care or even ASK how I am doing. Instead, people I've just known for over a month seem to care more about me and are constantly asking if I'm ok and what they can do to help.
I'm so tired of being hurt and sometimes this is the reason why I don't like to open my heart and be vunerable to people. Because they can hurt you so deeply. Maybe I've chosen wrong for a best friend. Maybe she does not know how deeply she's hurt me. Maybe she doesn't even care.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Losing a Friend
I'm finding it tough balancing having to be "in charge" of this house and being a friend to the house people, especially my best friend. Lately, I've been feeling that she does not want to talk to me and is angry at me. So I asked her today if there was something up and she said there was. She said lately everything I've said to her has been instructional and telling her stuff. She didn't like that.
It shocked me but reflecting, I would say that she's right. I've been so caught up trying to deal with the issues of this house that I've not had a good friend conversation with her for a long time. It's so hard to be both a friend and a RA. Sometimes I hate being a RA because of that. I don't want to lose our good friendship yet I do have to sometimes tell her stuff...
I guess I have to learn to balance the two more. I'm going to have to work hard to rebuild this friendship because I don't want to lose it. I just pray and hope she is willing to work with me on this. She doesn't seem to want to do anything to make the situation better.
I'm feeling ever more lonely, stressed, tired and down. As I write this, tears are running down my face. I want to be home now, forget about all the troubles and worries and just be in the comforting presence of my family, especially my mom.
It shocked me but reflecting, I would say that she's right. I've been so caught up trying to deal with the issues of this house that I've not had a good friend conversation with her for a long time. It's so hard to be both a friend and a RA. Sometimes I hate being a RA because of that. I don't want to lose our good friendship yet I do have to sometimes tell her stuff...
I guess I have to learn to balance the two more. I'm going to have to work hard to rebuild this friendship because I don't want to lose it. I just pray and hope she is willing to work with me on this. She doesn't seem to want to do anything to make the situation better.
I'm feeling ever more lonely, stressed, tired and down. As I write this, tears are running down my face. I want to be home now, forget about all the troubles and worries and just be in the comforting presence of my family, especially my mom.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Memories
Time for some interactive blogging!
Leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember! Leave a comment on here. Next, re-post this in your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty cool (and funny) to see the responses. Repost as "memories."
Come on, you know you wanna post!
Leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember! Leave a comment on here. Next, re-post this in your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty cool (and funny) to see the responses. Repost as "memories."
Come on, you know you wanna post!
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