Need a Holiday from the Holiday

I'm pooped!! Just came back from Malaysia after a week long family holiday. My bro, dad and I took turns driving up to Ipoh (8 hrs), Penang (4 more hrs), then finally ended up in Kuala Lumpur (4 more hours drive). Of coz, we took breaks in between. We spent the night in Ipoh, then drove to Penang for 3 days for a good time at a beach resort and eating famous penang food. then we had to go to KL to pick up my grandma, go to my great grand mother's 98th birthday and tolerate my uncle's love for talking nonsense and insulting everything and everyone.

Oh and I got sick too! Got sick on the way up to Ipoh. motion sickness, back pain, shoulder pain, gastric problem..... sigh.... my body must have been collapsing after my previous weeks of no sleep and tiredness. Then in Penang, I got well and my brother got food poisoning after eating rotten eggs at the hotel's breakfast buffet!!!!

What a trip!!! Now I just got back an hour ago and I'm so tired.... I need a vacation from the vacation.. funnyy

Snow Galore!!!!!

So, Snow, Snow and Snow!!!

Its about 9 inchese or more of snow right now. walking is very hard!!!! The snow is up to my calf!!!!!!! FREEZZZIINNNNGGG

I need some loving sunshine and HEAT!!! Can't wait to go home!

Thanksgiving in Chicago

It was an interesting 4 days in Chicago. It's a nice place to visit but would not want to stay there at all!!! Too depressing! All concrete, no trees and parks and greeneriess... I miss home!

So anyway, I went on Thursday morning, reaching there at noon time. Everything was closed for Thanksgiving, so I ate Subway for lunch and dinner since nothing was open. We just walked around town and got our bearings then went back to our hostel before it got too dark. It was spooky. No one on the streets... So odd for a big city like Chicago.

Then on Fri, we work up at 4am and left the hostel at 5am to line up at Sears in the FREEZING cold to go shopping! Wasn't my ideal way to wake up but my friend insisted on doing that coz Sears was giving a $10 gift card to the first 200 people in line... We were number 117 to 119. So waited outside the building for 45 minutes, trying to get warm and keep awake. We shopped the whole day after that... Walked around Chicago multiple times and for those who know how BIG Chicago is... that's a lot of miles to cover!! My feet hurt so bad at the end of the day.

Ok... hm... I'll cover the events of Sat and Sun tomorrow. too tired. bed time!

Oh and pictures of the trip are up at my photo album. Link on the left. Go check it out!

Muffins?

I was out in the SNOW today, shivering, my hands turning FROZEN and shivering even with my gloves on... and I was talking to someone.

"I really should get MUFFINS," I said.

"MUFFINS?" asked my friend looking confused.

"You know the glove like thingies. To protect from the cold?" I explained.

"It's not MUFFINS!! Its MITTENS!!!" exclaimed my friend.

Ok, so now I'm the butt of all jokes for wanting to wear a muffin on my hand... Although it'll be good to have it there so I can munch on it as I go. Though my hand will freeze once I've eaten it up!

Snow's Coming

I don't know whether to shout for joy or cry!!! Wed, Thurs and Fri there will be snow showers throughout the day... I'm happy to see the snow... but not excited about the cold.

I'm already FREEZING as it is...

HELP ME!!!

Its my Birthday!

Tomorrow, I turn 20 years old! WOHOOO!!!

I love it!! I'm sooo glad to be 20! It's a miracle I've lived so long, a gift from the WONDERFUL God!! I wanna thank my PARENTS for raising me, putting sooo much energy into stubborn little me, loving me despite my many faults and being there for me whenever I needed them!

I wanna thank my BROTHER for spoiling me, for playing with me, including me in everything he did, loving me, being the protective BIG brother and for being so close to me!!

I wanna thank my grandmother, for cooking all the yummy food for me, spoiling me rotten, loving me DESPITE me being mean to her (I'm so sorry for that paw!) and being the BEST grandma in the world!

Above all, I wanna thank the Almighty God, for being with me all these years, for saving me by His mercy, for being my support and endless help, for loving me inspite of my sins and for creating me and giving me all the gifts of life, especially my wonderful family.

New Web Home

Announcing the revealing of www.deborahli.net!! The brand new site for me!

Some of you are probably wondering why the switch. Well, let me explain.

1. I changed providers of my domain plan because they seemed to ALWAYS have downtimes, they didn't keep their promises of refunding me because of the downtimes and plus they were giving me not much value for the money i was spending.

2. This new domain provider is offering me MUCH MUCH more features for the same price. They seem to have a good reputation for not having many downtimes and they were very helpful with all my tech questions meaning good support.

3. I changed the name of my domain because the new plan was offering a free name and I thought it was time to switch to a name that could withstand many years. Dream into paradise will not be able to work 10 years from now, but deborah li can.

So let me know what you think?

Homecoming Pic!

Wohoooo!!! Homecoming Picture is now on my pictures collection! On the left bar, link is there!

Great News!!

I'm going home for CHRISTMAS!!! WOHOOOO!!!

I'm so happy! My mom said I could. Her exact words were, "Relationships are more important that money." I SO LOVE MY MOM!!!!!! YIPPIEEEE

Sad News

My uncle (mom's 3rd brother) passed away at 2:20 am Monday (Singapore time) in the hospital. He has been battling a virus that attacked him. And because of his alcohol problem, his liver and kidney were unable to fight back and collapsed. He fought for 43 days, and in those days, he came to know Christ personally and learnt to put his trust in God. Now, he has WON the fight and is now in the presence of the Almighty and loving God.

I thank all those who have prayed for him and my family. Pls continue to pray for my family back home as they go about making arrangements. Pls also pray for my aunty, my mom's oldest sister, that through this, she too will come to know Christ and also for her family. That she will realise that death is not the end, but can be the beginning of eternity with our wonderful Creator.

As for me, when I got the news via email from my dad, I called them and just hearing my mom's voice, even for a few minutes, made me break down and cry. I'm thankful that my room mate was there to hold me as I grieved. I am sad yet comforted by the knowledge that he is in a better place. I'm just feeling miserable for not being there to help during this time. I don't know why God brought me away from home in this time, but I know I can rely on Him and trust in His soverignty and grace.

Once again, thanks for praying.

Bye Bye Voice!!

Hi all! I know, its been longgggg since I've blogged.

Well, just got back from Homecoming Ball! I actually didn't want to go, because I had to notion that these parties were bad. But I'm glad my friend made me go! It was sooo fun! No alcohol, no drugs, no hanky-panky!! Just plain old FUN!! I danced so mucccchhhhh!!! 3 hours of dancing!!! My feet hurt soooo bad!!! But I think this is good EXERCISE. lol!!! And, I've discovered that I can actually dance!! Several people were like, "Debby! You said you couldn't dance!! Yah right!! (Sacarstic tone)." hehehehe!!

Well, I've also been sick the last week. Bad headache, throat is sore. And its getting worst. I screamed so much at the party that my voice is about to go! EEEKKK!!

Its midnight now and I think I better CRASH!!!!

My Prayer

An update on my spiritual journey.

I think that being away from home has been good for me. I am searching more for God and His comfort. I yearn to destroy the sins in my life and make Him proud.

There's this new yearning and longing for God and I think its great. However, the journey is tough. I am finding myself lapsing into my sins and after that feeling the guilt and the shame. I want to please God, but how?!?!?! I don't want Him to be angry at me!!!!

I noticed myself becoming more emotional. And that's not a bad thing, I think. Whenever, I heard God's people speak about his grace and mercies, whenever I hear a meaningful song, whenever I hear a sermon that seems to be talking to me, tears fall. Time and time again, God is using those around me to call to me, remind me and prompt me. Maybe He has been doing it all along, but my stubbornness and willfulness have been a brick wall. God is slowly chipping away at the wall and through the holes, His Word is pouring through.

I have started going back to doing Quiet Time. It's not been smooth and I have a long way to go. Somedays I find myself not doing it and I keep pushing it off. I have to force myself. But you know what? When I go to His Word with a quiet mind and with no distractions, I find Him pressing on my heart and jolting me.

Let me share something I learnt from reading "Our Journey". I was doing my QT on the September 1st article and it is titled "Do Something Radical". The verses are Hebrews 10:26-31, with the key verse being verse 26.

It goes like this:

"If we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins..."

What impacted me was that THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!!! God means it!!! If I continue to deliberatly sin even after I have accepted God into my life, there will not be a sacrifice for me anymore... That means facing the terrible consequences of God's judgment. This is SCARY!!! When I face God, will I be hanging my head in shame? Will I regret all the sin I commited AGAINST God?

Oh God, pls work in me. Pls shape and chisel away at my roughness. Pls help me to accept whatever you put in my way and grow to know you so deeply and passionate Lord. This is my prayer.

Where to Start?

So much have been happening since I've last posted! Where do I start? Hm... I'll try to summarise.

My dad came to town for the RBC Ministries Intl Conference and I spent the last 2 weekends with him and the others. It's been a good time.

My mom was supposed to fly in on Sep 17. Unfortunately, her older brother, my uncle is in critical condition in the hospital. There was a virus that attacked him and he was pumped with strong antibiotics. However, years of drinking heavily have rendered his kidney and liver incapable of clearing all the toxics and thus his body is full of toxic that has to be drained out of him by tubes. He also has to go to dialysis every 2 days to give his body a fighting chance. As my uncle is a bachelor, my mom has to be there to take care of him and also give support to my grandmother who is very worried and anxious.

The good news in all these is that my uncle FINALLY accepted the Lord into his life, after years of stubbornness. He was also baptised and my mom has been reading the Bible with him everyday and praying with Him. It makes me think. When we get so proud and think we can rule our own lives, God has to hit us over the head with bricks to get us to pay attention to Him and realise our weakness and mortality. This happened to my uncle, I think. Years of God's gentle prompts went ignored and thus God had to do something drastic to get his attention. Of course, my uncle's choice to be an alcoholic also contributed GREATLY to this problem.

I don't know if I'm being mean and evil, but I feel that my uncle deserves it. We have told him for years that his body is being damaged by his drinking, but he chose to ignore our warnings. Now that his choice has led to this consequence, I kinda feel that he has been asking for this for years. I am more worried for my grandmother and my mom. My mom has to go to the hospital everyday to feed him and take care of him. She also has to take care of my grandmother and make sure she eats and sleeps and don't worry herself to illness. My mom is very tired. And I feel bad because none of us are there! My dad and I are here in the US, my brother is over in Australia. None of us are there to help shoulder the burden and support her emotional and physically.

My mom said that maybe the Lord has allowed us to be away when this happened because it makes the others in the family step up to the responsiblity and tasks. If we were there, we would be doing everything. My auntie and her husband flew down from Malaysia and have been there since. My other uncle visits him every night, even though he is very tired from work. My cousin helps to take care of stuff. If we were there, we would be doing all of these. So even though it feels like horrible timing to me, there is no stuff thing as horrible timing in God's plan.

Well, on to nicer news. I got an on-campus job with the Web Maintenance Crew. We maintance the school websites, build it, correct it, stuff like that. It pays quite well, compared to other jobs on campus. I start tomorrow (Monday) from 1 to 5pm. My other time slot is Friday at the same time.

I have a few items I would like you all to pray with me:

1. Pray for my uncle. That in this time of pain, he will grow in the Lord and learn to trust and obey Him.
2. Pray for my mom that she will have physical and emotional strength. Most importantly, spiritual strength. Pray that God will carry her through this as she leans heavily on him. Pray also for God's wisdom in her, to deal with the medical issues,t eh insurance and others.
3. Pray for my grandmother that her health won't deteoriate because of this. Pray that she will learn to quieten her soul and trust God.
4. Pray for me as I take on this new job. Pray for a good testimony in my work ethics, words, thoughts and actions.

I'm Alive!!

Hilow!! I'm here!!! I'm still alive and kicking very hard!!!

This past 2 weeks have been CRAZYYYYY!! Orientation took up a good part of last week and over the weekend I sorted my room out, went to church with Uncle Bill and family and just tried to get on the timezone.

On Monday, I went to a job fair in the morning for on campus jobs. I applied for this Web Maintenance job with the Computer and Information Department of the school. Just basically updating the web site and stuff. Should be easy for me. They got back to me this morning and I'm going in next Fri for an interview.

Tuesday, school started. It was a longgg day. Started at 8am and ended 6pm. It was a whacked out day. I had the class Geology in the Field... and it never really occurred to me that it really meant IN THE FIELD!! We went to the sand dunes nearby and guess what... We climbed this nearly VERTICAL sand dune and others for over 3 hours!!!!! Now I did say I wanted to get fit... but not all at once! It was soooooo hard. I almost died from sheer exhaustion. And every class would be field trips like that!!! So after much consideration... ok, ok... the decision was made pretty fast, I decided to drop the class. So i ended up with 14 credits. So I though, hey, I wanna fill it up to 16 credit!!

Well... the only class that was open now was this Comm 300 level class that was 4 credit!! So now, I'm on 18 credit!! 2 over the recommended... And boy does my time table show for it!! Mon and Fri is pretty much only one class lasting one hour. on Tuesday, My classes starts at 8am and end at 5pm, with a one hour lunch break in between. Wed I have 3 classes that have longer breaks in between... now THURSDAY... is mad!!! I have 6 classes, from 8am to 5pm, with NO BREAK in between AT ALLL!!! So bascially, I survived today on zone bars!!!! Now, I'm SURE to lose weight like this.

Oh and for people interested, I've uploaded my pictures onto a collection thingy, so go look k? I'll update it when I get new pictures! http://deborahli.shutterfly.com/

My Arrival

I'm safe and sound!! I arrived yesterday evening and was picked up by a student from the school. Unfortunately, 2 of my 3 check in bags didn't make it. They got stuck in Chicago because we only had 30 to 45 mins to our next flight and it was so rushed... immigration and baggage collections took eternity.

I walked into my apartment into a roomful of people. 2 of my roommates were there. along with one of them boyfriends and a roomful of guys. Boy was it a shocker!! Didn't expect so many people!

So anyway, they were nice and helped me carry what bags I had into my room. The apartment is nice. big enough for us. the living room is nice too. the girls have done up the place nicely and it feels homely. the only bare and undecorated place is my room, because both me and my roommate have not been there to do it.

I unpacked some of my bags and then went to bathe and then crashed into bed at 10:30pm.

Woke up this morning at 4 am FREEZING. The blanket that the intl students loaned me was THIN. Boy, I wished I had my comforter... its in my bags stuck in chicago. I put on my jacket and a thick pair of socks and went back to
sleep. Woke up at 7am because I couldn't sleep anymore.

I went to eat some breakfast and met up with a few people that I met at the airport yesterday as they were being picked up too. All 3 of them are japanese. There are a lot of japanese in this school. Then we went to meet with the intl student advisor.

We then went to get our textbooks and supplies from the bookstore. Then went home to dump them at home. I then went to collect the bags that have arrived from Chicago from the International Center. Thankfully, one of my room mates was around and helped me to lug one bag. I took the very heavy bag and it was so tiring and hard dragging it back to the apartment. Thankfully, halfway, this ground attendant was passing by on a cart and he was nice enough to drive me and the suitcase back to my apartment. then one parent of another student helped me carry it up to staircase to me floor (only one flight of stairs thankfully).

Now, I'm unpacking everything. In a minute, I'll run to the supermarket with my room mate and her boyfriend to get some hangers. I'll get the other stuff tomorrow when I go there with the International students.

See ya!!!

Manmade Disaster

Ok, my room looks like a tornado flew through it and tossed everything about.... wait, it looks like I was in it!!!

Packing has been frantic the past few days, seeing as I've only a few days to do everything. Everything is dumped on my floor. I'm hoping to be able to finish packing my last check-in suitcase tomorrow, then start on my smaller carry on. then hopefully, pack my room into some sort of resemblance of order.... if that's ever going to happen!!

3 days till I fly! WAHHHH! time sure zooms past!!!! I can't believe I'll be flying over soon!! Unbelievable!

Ok. back to packing... oh wait. i think i better go sleep.

Vulnerability & Control

Went out today for dinner with some of my church Young Adults. 17 of us. I was a fun time I guess, but most of us were exhausted from the full day at church. I also realised something. All the time not spent building up and continuing the friendship with them has made a mark. There's nothing much to talk about between us. Most of them barely know me and they have told me that before. They have told me that I am very hard to get to know personally as I don't open up to them.

I admit that. I find it very hard to open up my inner most feelings and thoughts. It takes a lot of hard work on the person's part, a trust that takes long to build and a sense of being comfortable. I also hate opening up because it makes me vulnerable. Vulnerable to betrayal, vulnerable to attacks and also makes me accountable. I know being accountable is neccessary to help keep me clear before God... But I hate it! I hate having someone giving me that 'look', that 'eye' that says "You shouldn't be doing that." I hate having to explain my actions, and analyse everything I do.

It's all a matter of control. I am a control freak. I want and need to know where I'm headed to, what I'm doing, and control each situation. It's a gift and yet a curse. Its great to be such a person when managing things.... but it's horrible when you have to give control over to God and trust and follow obediently, even though I will have no way of knowing where He's taking me. That's my BIG issue with God. That and giving up some indulgence in my life.

Funny how a simple outing can make me think all these...

Voice of an Angel

I just came back from Corrinne May's concert!!! wohoo! It was SELL OUT! All 1600 seats SOLD!!!!!! The response from the audience was EXTREMELY good!! And if you know singaporean audiences, we are a hard bunch to please. But she got us all laughing and mesmerised by her! We even clapped so long she had to do encore after encore!! here's a run down of the concert:

Corrinne looked STUNNING!!! She is tallll, esp for a Singaporean. Longgg legs. Her hubby looked adorable!! hehehe, like a cuddly teddy bear!!

Corrinne went through pretty much most of her songs in the 2 albums! I was so impressed by how on-pitch and passionate she was!! At the first song, she was a bit nervous and didn't dare to look at the audience, but after getting into the song, she loosened right up!!

She is so natural on stage and not "acted". Her jokes were funny and impromptu and I loved when she explained each song's meaning and beginnings!! Gives me better insight into how much of her life goes into her songs!!

The mic incident was hilarious. After a song, her mic suddenly couldn't work. so while the mic people went and set up a nice one, she entertained us by playing a random melody! I can't believe how talented she is to just come up with a melody and even some lyrics on the spot!!!

Oh, and her forgetting the line from "The birthday song" is hilarious too! It just showed her as a person like all of us and not a "more perfect than real life" singer!! I like how she handled every hiccup and bump during the concert! She kept calm and kept the atmosphere light!!

The song that touched me most was "Fly Away"! She sang it with all the emotions so well, that it really touched my heart and I teared up!!! It's really perfect timing for me as I'm leaving for studies too and the song really portrayed my mother's sacrifice the best!!

Oh and I also liked how she thanked her parents before the last song!! She "Saboed" her parents while they were in the audience by saying out their full name and even describing what her mom was wearing!! lol.

The encores were terrific! One person in the audience shouted for her to sing a chinese song and you should have seen her expression!! lol. She kept saying no way! her chinese was too bad! her even threw in one line of the ONLY chinese song her knew, some children song. lol. then she mentioned how her brother was listening to an interview she was doing on a radio station and turned it off because of how horrible her chinese was!!

Her family seem to be very closed knit and i'm happy for her!!

I'm still on an adrenaline high!! Can't sleep! It was AWESOME! I wish it never ended!!!!


Ps: Corrinne's blog link is on the right. Her website add: http://corrinnemay.com/

Go check her out!!

Wohoo!

Ok, i plead temporary insanity for the last post. I just had an overwhelming need to do that! lol.

Well, i heard from my roommates in college! Wohoo! There are 4 of them. Jessica, Sarah, Molly and Lindsay. I think 3 of them are 21 and one is 20 this year. I'm going to be the youngest. All of them are from the US.

I'm getting excited about going to Hope college!!! Can't wait!

???

JUMPIDY JUMPIDY JUMP!!!

WEEEEEEE


AHHHHHHH


ok... enough

Goodbyes and Hellos

My Brother's gone back to Australia for his honours. I won't be seeing him for one year since I'm going over to the US to study. ONE YEAR!! That's too long not to see my brother. I miss the fun times we had... the times where we used to see who could poke each other's arm the most!! lol. Yes.. we're silly!

It is so good to be close to my brother! It's a rare thing these days! I am so thankful for it and I do know that I can depend on him when I need it, after all, this is the brother that would warn people to stop bullying me in primary school!! hehehe.

Anyway, Thanks Ann for the comment on my previous post. I guess I forgot that didn't I? Been looking at me, me, me. Well, there's no I in God. Thanks for your passion for the Lord. Its is very refreshing and makes me think. :) It's a long hard road to me finally letting go of my life (I'm very stubborn and a control-freak), but I guess I'll get there eventually as long as I like God do His work, right? It's like a hello... a start of a new relationship.

Hello, God!

Tired

I'm tired of life. I'm tired of going through the "routine", living my life just waiting for school to start. I'm just tired. Sometimes, I wish I had the power to freeze everything and step out for a moment and take a break from life. You know, its very tiring living, especially living a life that refuses to let God in. I know I made a conscience decision to break away, just to see what it would be like without Him. And I guess I am seeing things now. Life without meaning plains STINKS. What am I living for day to day? What's the purpose of waking up every morning?

But my stubborn soul refuses to cave in, refuses to turn in. Sometimes, I feel like I'm floating outside my body. Like I'm seeing my life go by. I'm in a weird position. Part of me has given up on ever truly experiencing a life with Christ in it, the part that is lazy, sinful and selfish. Then there's the other part that is urging me to turn my life back into His hands, the part that yearns to know the true meaning of being His child.

Two conflicting parts. Who will win? Who will I allow to win? It's still too early to find out. I'm just living each day and going with the flow. Doing nothing stop or start anything meaningful. Funny ah?

Sometimes I wonder how I can be so cool and cynical about this. This concerns my soul!! Shouldn't I get worked up and make a decision?! I guess, after living 19 years pretending to be the holy and god-minded person, I have plain given up. It has been extremely tiring and draining keeping up the lie and I'm sick of trying.

We'll see what happens...

My Brilliance... Yah RIGHT!

I like this layout, don't you? Simple and nice! Thanks goes to Francy.com and hours of searching the world wide web for this. I think its classy and simple and nice!!

So anyway, I got my class schedule for my coming Term in Hope College yesterday. Another reminder that time moves fast. Soon I'll begin a new chapter in my life. A chapter away from my family and friends... Facing the big unknown of college life and surviving in a different culture and environment. I'm very excited.. but I'll be lying if I said my heart wasn't pounding with fear at the thought...

I guess the 6 months over there did prepare me for this. I know most of what will happen and what I'm getting into. I'm going with my eyes wide open and I guess I'll have a lot of advantage over the other international studies there. Thinking back, it was a brilliant idea to do my internship there... Somehow, I suspect it was not my idea, even though it seemed to be... Somehow, I strongly suspect God was behind it all. God is a clever one... He does things and we dont even know it, thinking we were the wise one.. AH! Get Real! All our supposed wisdom and intelligence can never compare to the true brilliance of God.

New Layout New Place NEWNESS

Ok, so I finally caved in... I'm going to use blogger for my blog. I'm getting tired of having to archive my posts myself... So back to the system where all i need to do is post! hehehehe!

Right now, the system is still in bugness.... working on the template I got from someone. so the image is missing and stuff like that. When I settle everything in the template, I'll work on linking the past archives on my server.

So, what u think?