My Prayer

An update on my spiritual journey.

I think that being away from home has been good for me. I am searching more for God and His comfort. I yearn to destroy the sins in my life and make Him proud.

There's this new yearning and longing for God and I think its great. However, the journey is tough. I am finding myself lapsing into my sins and after that feeling the guilt and the shame. I want to please God, but how?!?!?! I don't want Him to be angry at me!!!!

I noticed myself becoming more emotional. And that's not a bad thing, I think. Whenever, I heard God's people speak about his grace and mercies, whenever I hear a meaningful song, whenever I hear a sermon that seems to be talking to me, tears fall. Time and time again, God is using those around me to call to me, remind me and prompt me. Maybe He has been doing it all along, but my stubbornness and willfulness have been a brick wall. God is slowly chipping away at the wall and through the holes, His Word is pouring through.

I have started going back to doing Quiet Time. It's not been smooth and I have a long way to go. Somedays I find myself not doing it and I keep pushing it off. I have to force myself. But you know what? When I go to His Word with a quiet mind and with no distractions, I find Him pressing on my heart and jolting me.

Let me share something I learnt from reading "Our Journey". I was doing my QT on the September 1st article and it is titled "Do Something Radical". The verses are Hebrews 10:26-31, with the key verse being verse 26.

It goes like this:

"If we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins..."

What impacted me was that THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!!! God means it!!! If I continue to deliberatly sin even after I have accepted God into my life, there will not be a sacrifice for me anymore... That means facing the terrible consequences of God's judgment. This is SCARY!!! When I face God, will I be hanging my head in shame? Will I regret all the sin I commited AGAINST God?

Oh God, pls work in me. Pls shape and chisel away at my roughness. Pls help me to accept whatever you put in my way and grow to know you so deeply and passionate Lord. This is my prayer.