Noise is Back

The people are back from break and things are back to its noisy, fun, laughter-filled self! I'm happy!

I'm also happy that I'm heading home soon in 14 days!! 2 WEEKS!! I can't WAITTTTTTTTTT!!

Quiet House, Amazing Realization

I didn't realise how much I value the talks and laughter I share with my house mates and my friends until they went back home for Thanksgiving break and my house is suddenly so quiet.

A sense of loneliness came over me, partly because I wish I could go home too for the weekend, and partly because I miss the conversations I have with them, especially with someone who has unexpectedly became one of my very good friends in just 3 months.

Funny how God surprises us with unexpected gifts. I never thought I would so comfortable and so open to this person. After many hours of talking about our life, our purpose, our families and stuff, we've become close and I value his presence and comfort. What a blessing! What a true friend, someone who senses that I need support or just the presence of a comforting soul and is willing to push aside other things to be there for me.

We have almost daily conversations and just talk about random stuff and have fun. I didn't realise how much I've gotten used to him being around and just being there. Funny ah?

Word of the Day: Armor of God

On the Last Chapter of Ephesians. In the later part of the Chapter, Paul tells the church to "be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might." (Ephesians 6:10).

He talks about the armor of God and what it means to put it on (verses 14 to 18).

Waist Girdle: Truth
Breastplate: Righteousness
Shod the Feet: Preparation for the Gospel of Peace
Shield: Faith
Helmet: Salvation
Sword: Spirit - Word of God

Final Action: PRAYING in the Spirit, leading to BOLDNESS to make known the mystery of the gospel.

What I've noticed is that while God wants us to put all those equipment on to be strong, it is to be strong in HIM, not in our own strength and our own abilities. And I've also noticed that praying here is not used as a "doing nothing" thing but in fact, it is a very active ACTION word. God does not want us to go fight the battle without any preparation. Our prep work is the armor and the PRAYING, getting ready for the day when He calls us into active battle.

So dear friends, put on the Armor of God and prepare daily for the day when our dear Lord, Savior and King calls us to go out into the battlefield and win the souls of all who need Him.

Meaningful Lessons

I've been learning some life lessons during the last few weeks through various avenues - relationships, sadness, tiredness, the Bible and more... All of which are being used by God to guide me and remind me of life's priorities.

1. A True Friend is one who is willing to spend time with you, just being there, when you're down. He/She is willing to put aside other stuff and realizes that friendship is more valuable.

I'm sad and happy to say that I have had to realize this the tough way. Sad, because the one I thought was a good friend never did this. Happy, because the most unexpected person turned out to be this good friend. God is loving and He gave me the right person at the right moment.

2. Responsibilities are overrated. I'm realizing that I don't like them at all, but they are necessary to grow, learn and use my freedom wisely.

I'm going to try and shed some of the extra activities next semester that have no meaning and lasting impact and focus more on those which do. I am learning that being busy with activities is not good. Instead, being busy with building relationships is what I should focus on.

3. I am too negative thinking and it affects the way I deal with the issue. When I start focusing on the negative parts, my entire perception changes and it leads to me become unable to do well on that issue. I have to be more positive thinking and look at the good side, not forgetting the bad, but not allowing it to take me over.

4. I've reading Ephesians now and there is one line that has jumped at me.

"Be angry, and do not sin." Ephesians 4:26

That sounds like a paradox doesn't it? How can I be angry, yet not sin? Is this righteous anger? What categorizes it? How do I know that I'm sinning or not when I'm angry? This led me to:

"Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still." Psalm 4:4

Hmm... Meditate within my heart and be still... I don't know EXACTLY what it means but I'm guessing that its to reflect on it positively in private and quieten my heart and mind and allow God to help me deal with my anger. Any other ideas?

Word of the Day

Why I am up at 6:30am willingly without an alarm clock I do not know. I have not been sleeping well the last few days, been tossing and turning and have been unable to have a peaceful sleep. So instead of trying to fight it, I just woke up and decided to do my Bible reading for the day. Actually, reading it in the morning when I'm wide awake and when the house is very quiet and peaceful is VERY VERY good. So anyway, this is my reading for the day.

Galatians Chapters 4 to 6. I'm just going to quote a section that I've found very interesting and good for me.

Galatians 5:13-22
For you, brethren, have been called to liberty: only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: "You shall love your neighbour as yourself."
But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!

I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another. so that you do not do the things that you wish.
But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.
And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

Tithing for the Bills or the People?

I have something against churches who get loans from banks for the sake of building an amazing place for the Lord's Work. I'm sorry, but the Lord's Work does not need expensive wall panels, thick carpets and comfy chairs. God does NOT need you to have a building to serve Him.

Whatever happened to not being yoked with the World. The way I see it, oweing tons of money to the bank and spending years to pay it off is being yoked with the World. Who are you constructing this building for, REALLY? For God, or for the impression and the good reputation it will bring the church. Because if God really wants you to have this building, I'm pretty sure he'll provide all the finances you need without you having to borrow money from the bank. After all, God has all the riches in the World. I'm sure he'll provide for your needs so you don't need to be in debt to the World.

This is RIDICULOUS!! What is happening to churches nowadays? It seems all I see are building projects and them encouraging us to 'tithe' to the church for the building. I do not want my money going to bills and interest loans repayments. I want it to go directly to the PEOPLE, to reaching out directly to the community and providing tangible help to them! I am pretty sure we can do all these without a fancy building, probably even more!

Will you love me enough?

With so many scandals ongoing now in the church, it has caused me to think. So many church leaders have sinned and continued to sin while serving in the Church and NO ONE SAID ANYTHING.

That is very sad. As members of the Body of Christ, we have to hold each other accountable for our actions, no matter what our "position" in the church. In fact, the more responsibilities we take on, the more people HAVE to hold us accountable because of the influence we have on others.

Many times, out of respect, people will keep their mouths shut when they see someone sinning or even close to sinning. That is not true respect. If you truly respect and love that person, you will not want them to fall into the pit of sin. You will pull them up and awaken them to their senses, even if this might cause you to lose their friendship for a while.

I'm not saying we have a right to be judgemental. I'm saying we have a DUTY to one another to lovingly reproach and help one another stay on the long and narrow path.

"Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear." Proverbs 25:12.

As one blogger (Everyday Mommy) wrote in her blog, "How immeasurable is the value of our friends who, in the bold act of love, reprove us when we need reproving. Faithful are the wounds of a friend who knows when to say, "Have you examined yourself?""

Will you be such a friend and hold me accountable? Will you tell me and pull me back when you see me walking close to the edge? Will you pray alongside me and help me find my way back to Christ? Will you LOVE me enough to reproach me?

21!

My birthday is happening in 12 hours!!! November 4, remember that wonderful day! wohoo!! I'm turning 21!! And I'm going to celebrate differently from a lot of college students! I'm going for a nice lunch with friends and... that's all! NO DRINKING!! NO ALCOHOL!! and NO GETTING DRUNK!!

Let's be unique!

Different versions of friendship

Things have gotten a bit better. She is somewhat talking to me, although she seems to love to talk to people on the phone more than to me who is living next door. She also asked me to go with her earlier to the dinner to reserve the seats. Although I take this as her saying things are back to normal, these past days have made me reflect and seriously analyse this friendship.

I have come to several conclusions after the thought process and heartache.

1. Her definition of "Best Friend" is very different from me. I expect a lot deeper and closer ties than she does.

2. She's never really been all that much interested in my life. She would let me talk a bit about stuff but then she'll switch the topic back to her life.

3. I've been blinded to all these and more maybe because last year, I was thrown into a new country and new school and life and she was one thing that was stable and she was one the quickest to get to know me. (She's very friendly and makes friends easily.)

4. I have different expectations of what best friends should do for each other.

All these have led to me concluding that maybe to her, she might label me as her best friend, but I've realized that I would just say she's a good friend. It hurts that I've "lost" a best friend but seeing that she never really was that close to me on a very deep level, I just feel stupid for not seeing this sooner.

So the last few days of crying, being hurt and having everything accumulating on me, especially that emotional turmoil I've been experiencing, has taken a toil on my health. I'm eating less (which is probably a good thing), not sleeping well and having headaches.

Even though it really hurts now and it will take a while to get out of it, I do know that God is allowing this to happen to me so that I can realize how desperately needy I am of Him and His love. Progress is slow, but I am finally slowly taking those steps to abandon my pride and stubborness and cling on Him. To hold on tight to He who will never forsake nor hurt me like humans can.

If you are willing, please pray for me, that I will be willing to learn and accept whatever God has planned for me, especially in this hard time. Also pray that my loneliness will not push me away from God into other stuff, but will pull me closer into His loving arms.

Thanks.

Alone

I don't know why I'm crying...
I don't know why I hurt so bad...
I just know that God is my Father...
And even though I feel so alone...
He will never forsake me nor leave me...

Hurt

Today, she talked to me. Or should I say, I talked to her. I have to initiate the conversation if not she would never have talked to me. And she invited me to her birthday dinner tomorrow.

While I'm happy that she is making this step to rebuild our friendship, I can't help but be hurt that if I didn't approach her and find out what was wrong and tried to made amends, she would have totally not told me about the dinner and gone on without me.

It cut me deeply because when someone proclaims to be my best friend and then because of one problem intentionally not involved me in something so big, it makes me wonder if she even values this friendship. She invited people she just met but would have excluded me, her supposed best friend.

I don't know what to feel. I know I should be thankful that she finally is reaching out to me, but yet I am very deeply hurt by her actions. Everytime I think about it, I go on the verge of crying.

Another thing that makes me even sadder is that I've been sick and tired and been burdened with many problems to deal with, and yet my "best friend" doesn't seem to care or even ASK how I am doing. Instead, people I've just known for over a month seem to care more about me and are constantly asking if I'm ok and what they can do to help.

I'm so tired of being hurt and sometimes this is the reason why I don't like to open my heart and be vunerable to people. Because they can hurt you so deeply. Maybe I've chosen wrong for a best friend. Maybe she does not know how deeply she's hurt me. Maybe she doesn't even care.

Losing a Friend

I'm finding it tough balancing having to be "in charge" of this house and being a friend to the house people, especially my best friend. Lately, I've been feeling that she does not want to talk to me and is angry at me. So I asked her today if there was something up and she said there was. She said lately everything I've said to her has been instructional and telling her stuff. She didn't like that.

It shocked me but reflecting, I would say that she's right. I've been so caught up trying to deal with the issues of this house that I've not had a good friend conversation with her for a long time. It's so hard to be both a friend and a RA. Sometimes I hate being a RA because of that. I don't want to lose our good friendship yet I do have to sometimes tell her stuff...

I guess I have to learn to balance the two more. I'm going to have to work hard to rebuild this friendship because I don't want to lose it. I just pray and hope she is willing to work with me on this. She doesn't seem to want to do anything to make the situation better.

I'm feeling ever more lonely, stressed, tired and down. As I write this, tears are running down my face. I want to be home now, forget about all the troubles and worries and just be in the comforting presence of my family, especially my mom.

Journeying Back Home

Went to my friend's church this morning as part of my Religion Class assignment. After not going to church for a while, I realized what I've missed about church - Peace, Calm, Renewed...

I need church. I need the community... I need the peace in my heart... I need time with fellow believers in praising God.

This morning has made me realize how much I've been slipping... how much I've been letting my laziness and excuses carry me away from the peace and comfort of God's arms. It is time I journey on back home.

~~~~I'm weary and heavy-ladened. It's time I stop wandering and head back home into His loving arms.~~~~

A True Blessing

The process of getting to know someone deeper than the acquaintance level is very interesting and exciting. It is very time-consuming too but I love just sitting down with someone and spending time just talking about life and our views on things and having fun together. It is a very enriching and inspiring time for me.

I have never liked superficial friendships. To me, being a friend means understanding and knowing the core and foundation of that person. A true friendship is meaningful and helpful and inspiring and takes a lot of time and effort on both sides to develop.

I just had an amazing opportunity to reach into the mind and core of a new friend. After our house halloween party, a friend and I sat down for 2 hours and talked about anything and everything. We talked about personality quirks, the way we think, our view on church, baptism and a lot of other stuff. Time passed so fast and before we knew it, it was 2:40am. WOW! I truly enjoyed that time and always look for more opportunities to do that with people.

I'm glad that the Lord is bringing people like this friend who are willing to share their lives with me. It is truly a blessing.

Do It Anyway

So this poem has been floating on my compuer screen for the last week or so to remind and encourage me. I think it's time to share it with you all. Enjoy.

Do It Anyway
By Roy Lessin--

Others may not notice your efforts or give you recognition for something you've done. The credit may even go to someone else.
Do it anyway, as unto Me,
for I am pleased by your service and will honor your obedience.

There may be times when a job you've done will be rejected. Something you have prepared may be canceled or delayed.
Do it anyway, as unto Me,
for I see all things and will bless the work of your hands.

You may do your very best, and yet fail. You may sacrifice time and money to help someone and receive no word of thanks.
Do it anyway, as unto Me,
for I am your reward and will repay you.

There may be times when you go out of your way to include others and later have them ignore you. You may be loyal on your job, and yet someone else is promoted ahead of you.
Do it anyway, as unto Me,
for I will not fail you or make you be ashamed.

You may forgive others, only to have them hurt you again. You may reach out in kindness, only to have someone use you.
Do it anyway, as unto Me,
for I know your heart and will comfort you.

You may speak the truth but be considered wrong by others. You may do something with good intentions and be completely misunderstood.
Do it anyway, as unto Me,
for I understand and will not disappoint you.

There may be times when keeping your word means giving up something you want to do. There may be times when commitment means sacrificing personal pleasure.
Do it anyway, as unto Me,
for I am your Friend, and will bless you with My Presence.

The House Mom...

First off, before the moms who read this go, "You see what we go through everyday?", I'll admit that I highly admire and now understand how awesome you ladies are everyday. I'm about ready to kill my house residents over something that seems trivial... DISHES!

I've been nagging and nagging and reminding and encouraging and begging people to do the dishes so they don't just pile up. Some people do. Some people put it in the sink and say they'll do it later and some do come back, some never do. It starts to pile up. The record days the sink has been FULL of dirty dishes has been 5 days... FIVE DAYS!!!

I go around asking people individually if those are their dishes. Everyone says, "No. I ALWAYS do my dishes." Unless there's a ninth resident in the house I'm not aware of or there's a sink-filling ghost haunting our house, SOME PEOPLE AREN'T TELLING THE TRUTH!!!! Now, I've been giving them the benefit of the doubt and saying MAYBE they just forgot. But it's been happening too often to be just a forgetfulness thing.

I can't understand why it's so difficult to just spend 2 minutes washing and drying the dishes. It's not that hard!!!!! After 2 months of talking, it is not working. Thus I am resorting to more extreme measures to make them do their dishes, becoz honestly, I have SICK of doing people's dishes everyday.

I've sent an email out basically saying my displeasure with the current situation and that I am going to start taking pictures of the dirty dishes in the sink if they remain in the sink for more than a day. I'll email the photo to the residents and if the people responsible don't wash it within the day, I'll put up the lovely picture on the kitchen wall for EVERYONE to see how "HYGIENIC" and "CONSIDERATE" the girls are. If I find out whose dishes those are (with good evidence), I'll go talk to the girl.

Now, I know this sounds pretty bad and you must be thinking "It's only dishes, why so harsh?" Well, because it is my job as the resident assistant in the cottage to make sure everything is going smoothly and that the house is maintained and that the atmosphere of the house is happy and light. You'll be amazed at how dishes can ruin everything and make people snap at each other.

We'll see how this goes. If this still doesn't work, I'll ask everyone to take their own dishes and cooking stuff and put it back in their individual cupboards. Meaning, they are not to be shared anymore. Those who don't have stuff, have to get their own. This way, they feel the consequence of being inconsiderate and irresponsible.

I'm trying my best to be patient and hold my temper. I'm doing pretty ok so far, but I don't think I can nice anymore if they test my patience too much. Pray for me k? Thanks.

School Update

So, here's a few new stuff that I've gotten myself into this year:

1. Alpha Phi Omega
A Service Fraternity, focuses on community service. Definitely not a Greek one... you KNOW I won't join those! :P

2. Student/Faculty Judicial Board
The Judicial Board for Hope College. This is going to be interesting...

That's 2 of my many activities. Should be fun!!!

Singaporean Lah

My dad sent this to me recently and it CRACKED ME UP!!! It's Hossan Leong, a famous Singaporean comedian, singing about being Singaporean.

Hossan Leong's Song

WARNING though: it does contain a lot of Singlish so you might have a tough time fully understanding it if you don't know Singlish. But just hearing Singlish in its essence will be a cultural experience!

ENJOY!

Memories

Time for some interactive blogging!

Leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember! Leave a comment on here. Next, re-post this in your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty cool (and funny) to see the responses. Repost as "memories."

Come on, you know you wanna post!

Annoying Crushness

Crushes... the lovely feeling that makes me wanna kill myself. They make me act funny and wierd and I hate that. I AM getting better at not acting differently than usual... BUT I still act funny... and people eventually learn to tell when I'm in the presence of someone I have a crush on, and that's VERY annoying.

So, the story goes a bit like this, I've been getting to know a few guys friends. They are totally cool and fun and natural and easy-going. As I got to know them better, one jumped out a bit more. I thought, "Oh, its ok. It's just my head playing tricks on me because of the loneliness issue." So I dismissed it and went back to normal life. Ok, after yesterday where everyone was dressed up so nice and sharp and handsome, the "crushness" hit me hard... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Someone help me!!!

I guess I'll have to wait it out and let it go away. It usually does... This is annoying.

PS: In other important news, two of my top three all time favourite blogs are going to be MIA for the next week... Oh what will I do? I'm addicted to their blogs!! NOOOOOOO!!