My Thoughts... My Say

Change of Blog Space

2007-03-13T20:18:00.001-04:00

Move on to http://www.mydesignstreak.com

Developments

2007-03-05T18:50:00.000-05:00

Interesting developments in my life thus far. The Lord has brought someone special into my life and our friendship has deepened a lot. It started out as friends who have similar beliefs and backgrounds and who have tons of fun together.

Then it moved on and deepened to people sharing our personalities, thoughts, struggles and joys.

One thing I'm amazed is how easy and open we are in discussing stuff. I feel so comfortable and not worried at all about questions I have, or he has. I love that both of us have strong desires to want to serve the Lord and we have a similar foundation in that.

We are being practical and careful because we both know that dating is not "Just for Fun" as culture loves to tell us. It's more of a journey together in seeking what God wants for us.

The Lord has been teaching me loads of stuff and I'm eagerly learning.

It's Funny How...

2007-03-01T02:03:00.000-05:00

Interesting how God springs surprises...

It's funny how a person can slowly creep into my life and weigh anchor.
It's funny how someone can slowly gain such importance in my day and life.
It's funny how seeing someone smile makes me want to smile too.
It's funny how open I can be, without any games or beating around the bush, knowing that someone will not judge but give your questions thought and the honest answers.

It's not a romantic, high electric feeling that the world tells us. It's respectful, honoring and quiet... It's prayerful and trustful and most of all, learning obedience to the Lord in this...

It's Funny...

Winter Fantasia

2007-02-26T11:56:00.000-05:00

Sat was an amazing day! Winter Fantasia finally came and I got allll dressed up and got my hair done!! Come look!

Winter Fantasia 2007

Reality

2007-01-31T18:10:00.000-05:00

Time to be realistic. I can't buy a new laptop. Right now, with my finances, I worry I can even feed myself after graduation. Reality is sinking in...

As I worry, I have to force myself to pray. To trust that God will provide, that He will meet my needs. Another lesson in trust and obedience.

Financial Independence Stinks

2007-01-30T09:56:00.000-05:00

Did a rough budget for the 2 months I won't be working after graduation while waiting for my work permit to be approved. Money is so tight right now. I'm gotten so spoilt having my parents' money to use. I'm finally realizing that:

1. I'm not getting anymore money from them. (Plus, I feel bad asking for more since I'm graduating and supposed to be paying them back soon.)

2. My income stinks right now. And all of it is going into paying for gas and bills.

3. I've never been so controlled with my money before.

Being totally independent financially stinks!! Plus, it sure didn't help that last semester when I WAS earning tons of income, I spent it all. Darn me and my spendthriftness. I could have so much more savings now if I just saved!!! Now I'm trying to go through all my accounts and subscriptions seeing what I can cancel and get some money back in. Oh the joys of adulthood... sigh...

Words of Wisdom From C.S Lewis

2007-01-30T03:10:00.000-05:00

"Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again. ... This process trains us in habits of the soul which are more important stll. It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God.

We learn that, on the one hand, we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other hand, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven."

~ Mere Christianity

New House Member

2007-01-29T20:48:00.000-05:00

We found a new house mate living with us. His name is Charleston, he's really tiny, does not require a bed and has wings.

He's the little brown bat!! We knew we had a few bats living in our attic because we could hear them through the walls. Apparently little Charleston decided to come down to join in the fun!

We let him hang above the living room door for a day and tonight we finally managed to catch him, put him in a shoe box, seal the shoe box and put him in the fridge. Yes, the fridge. A biology professor told us to do that. Tomorrow, one of the girls will bring him to her field biology professor who will hibernate him and keep him comfy and safe during the winter. Come Spring, he'll be released and since bats have excellent honing senses, he'll probably be back. YIPPIEE!!

Isn't he adorable!

Today

2007-01-29T00:58:00.000-05:00

Today, I saw myself for what I really am - Sinful, Worthless, Helpless and Hurtful.
Today, I saw the reason why Christ died for me, why I need Him.
Today, I know I'm just a useless and worthless soul fighting against God for who knows what reason.

I'm done trying to act and appear strong. It's not working. It's time I let God take over and if that means dropping all my pretenses of being strong and instead be the weak person I am, then that's what I'm going to do.

Just a Closer Walk With Thee

I am weak, but Thou art strong;
Jesus, keep me from all wrong;
I’ll be satisfied as long
As I walk, let me walk close to Thee.

Just a closer walk with Thee,
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

Through this world of toil and snares,
If I falter, Lord, who cares?
Who with me my burden shares?
None but Thee, dear Lord, none but Thee.

Just a closer walk with Thee,
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

When my feeble life is o’er,
Time for me will be no more;
Guide me gently, safely o’er
To Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore.

Just a closer walk with Thee,
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

Low

2007-01-28T17:39:00.000-05:00

It seems God is teaching me several things and I'm feeling really pathetic. He's showing me how much more I have to change and improve, showing me how low and evil I am now.

God, it hurts. I'm useless, I'm pathetic, I'm evil. And it hurts. I've hurt my friends, myself and most of you all. I'm so sorry. Help me please. Help me change and learn and have the courage to humble myself and beg for forgiveness. Please help me.

2007 is here. I'm back at School.

2007-01-07T07:21:00.000-05:00

It's 7:21am and I'm wide awake. Something is wrong with this. Oh yes, jet lag. the wonders of it.

I'm back at school. Got back yesterday afternoon. The temperature is a sudden change from home, and I'm freezing. The buildings and multiple Asian faces are gone. Replaced are the American faces and vast spaces of empty land.

I'm doing ok. I miss my family and the comforts of home, but I'm also excited for this new semester. I'll be taking only 6 credits of classes and doing an internship with the Women's Resource Center in Grand Rapids, doing Marketing and Development. I'm looking forward to the challenges I will meet but am also scared because this is a different side of society I will be facing everyday. But good to have a bit of fear, so I won't be overconfident and stupid. It'll be an eye opening experience with ups and downs I'm sure, but I am confident that the Lord will be right there beside me, giving me the strength and wisdom I will need.

2 of my house mates are back. The rest will come today. I can't wait to see them and my other friends. 2007 has begun and I'm going to make sure it'll be a year where I grow deeper in the Lord and learn to give up my entire life to Him (definitely not going to happen in one year... its a long process.)

My Christmas Prayer

2006-12-25T12:56:00.000-05:00

Dear friends,

Here's wishing everyone a wonderful time with loved ones and a wonderful celebration of the greatest gift on Earth.

This Christmas, I pray that God will be ever real and close to you as you ponder and stand in awe of such amazing love and sacrifice for us, who are not worthy of such grace. Christmas is not about the gifts. It's about the love so powerful and great that we have no ability to fully realize its true magnitude. I pray this love will enter your heart and grow deep and lasting roots.

Merry Christmas and God's love.

Debby

As our eyes gaze upon that bright Christmas Star
May Gods presence be with you wherever you are

As we celebrate this beautiful season of love
May many of His blessing fall from above
May your heart be filled with His peace and his joy

As we celebrate the birth of Jesus Gods’ boy
May His love and His comfort
Make your heart whole
May His sweet Holy Spirit
Penetrate your soul

This christmas I ask Him
To keep you in His care
And bless all your loved ones
“My Christmas Prayer”

By Brenda Lewis

Current Status

2006-12-24T11:18:00.000-05:00

I am missing someone terribly and I don't even know why. Praying and praying. Trying to enjoy my time at home and I am, don't get me wrong. But why, oh why, do I miss the person's company and presence so much?

I'm Leaving On a Jet Plane

2006-12-12T22:29:00.000-05:00

I know when I'll be back again... Jan 6! hehehe!

Wohoooo! I'm heading home! I'm soooo excited and soooo happy!!! Home home here I comeeeeeee!!

Car Dream Busted

2006-12-08T18:42:00.000-05:00

You know when you were young and you dreamed of owning a car, of being free to go wherever you wanted to with no worries.... POP!! The dream has burst.

Within this week, I've:

1. Locked myself out of the car when EVERYTHING in it, my cell phone, keys, the works! To make things more interesting, it was during the worst snow storm of the week. I was freezing, covered in snow and very stressed and worried.

2. Gotten a flat tire. Now this I know I had no choice or hope or not getting it. Went to get my license plate this morning and as I was driving along the road, out comes this big pot hole with NO SIGN and no WARNING. I couldn't have seen it coming even if I was searching for it, as it blended in with the road. I couldn't change lanes because this huge truck was next to me and I couldn't slow down because the car behind me was so close to me. So I had to go through it. WHAM! Front tires took the brunt of it. Didn't realize it until I was driving this evening and someone told me of the flat tires. Went to pump air into the front 2. the left one worked out fine. The right one is busted.

But I have to thank God for giving me so many people who helped me out. To the kind lady on Monday who drove me around trying to get my AAA membership number, to AAA who has come super fast to help me out for free, to the random guy at the gas station who helped me look at my tire and to the Holy Spirit who helped me stay calm and listened to my pleas of help.

Ah.. responsibilities... Bummer.

Wisdom

2006-12-07T02:46:00.000-05:00

Also from Regina Franklin's Book "Who Calls me Beautiful".

Find Wisdom and let her teach you how to silence the voices that do not reflect the truth of who you are in Christ. Hear the voice of God as He calls you His beloved.

Find Wisdom and let her teach you to love the woman God has created you to be. Let her teach you to stand in awe and wonder at the marvelous work of God's hand when He made you.

Find Wisdom and let her teach you how to treat your body as the temple of Christ. Know that you are a sanctuary for the One who is your refuge.

Find Wisdom and let her teach you to stand in a place of proper perspective. When you seek her, she will guard your mind and transform your thoughts.

Find Wisdom and let her teach you how to allow your husband to revel in the body of the wife of his youth, not in his wife's youthful body. Let him take pleasure in the true, genuine, one-of-a-kind you -- sags, bags, rolls, and all.

Find Wisdom and let her teach you that your life will change and so will your body. Let her also remind you that you serve an unchangeable God who has loved you from the beginning of time.

God's Defintion of Beauty

2006-12-07T02:24:00.000-05:00

I've been reading Regina Franklin's "Who Calls Me Beautiful" for religion class and I'm glad I took the opportunity to do so. This book is AMAZING and very insightful, thought provoking and personal.

I HIGHLY recommend all the ladies to read this book. And Men, this will make a great gift for the women in your life!

Let me share with you just a few bits that have made me think and reflect on my own life.

“Our inability to understand our own inherent true beauty destroys the very beauty that results from our being the temple of God. … If we do not value the temple, we cease to be the temple.”

“I see beauty.
She leans against her Savior, and she finds grace. Knowing that only God can sustain her, she stands in the face of fear and resolves not to give up. She recognizes that the things of God are the only things that matter. Seeking after the things of Christ, she lives a life of integrity. She is a fighter, a survivor, a woman of strength.
She is beauty.”

“Thus, a woman’s beauty must be found in and defined by things that are eternal, life-giving, and true. We must desire things that draw us to Christ and bring us to fullness of life in Him. He is our salvation; so too He is our beauty.”

Beautiful Snow

2006-12-01T18:54:00.000-05:00

So, even though i don't like the cold, I have to admit that snow is BEAUTIFUL!! It just shows how amazingly creative our God is! Look at the pictures He paints with the snow!! I went around campus taking some pictures today after the snow stopped falling for a while. Look and see the beauty and wonder of our God!

Christmas & Snow 12/1/06 3:27 PM

Snow has arrived. So has the shoveling...

2006-12-01T12:10:00.000-05:00

From Christmas & S...

Snow is pretty when looking from the inside. When we have to walk in it and worst still, SHOVEL it off our walkway... Not so nice!!

On the bright side, I don't need to go to the gym anymore. Snow Shoveling is a much better work out AND it tackles those never-been-used-for-decades arm muscles of mine. Wohoo, here's for building those muscles!!!!

Noise is Back

2006-11-29T00:24:00.000-05:00

The people are back from break and things are back to its noisy, fun, laughter-filled self! I'm happy!

I'm also happy that I'm heading home soon in 14 days!! 2 WEEKS!! I can't WAITTTTTTTTTT!!

Quiet House, Amazing Realization

2006-11-23T01:47:00.000-05:00

I didn't realise how much I value the talks and laughter I share with my house mates and my friends until they went back home for Thanksgiving break and my house is suddenly so quiet.

A sense of loneliness came over me, partly because I wish I could go home too for the weekend, and partly because I miss the conversations I have with them, especially with someone who has unexpectedly became one of my very good friends in just 3 months.

Funny how God surprises us with unexpected gifts. I never thought I would so comfortable and so open to this person. After many hours of talking about our life, our purpose, our families and stuff, we've become close and I value his presence and comfort. What a blessing! What a true friend, someone who senses that I need support or just the presence of a comforting soul and is willing to push aside other things to be there for me.

We have almost daily conversations and just talk about random stuff and have fun. I didn't realise how much I've gotten used to him being around and just being there. Funny ah?

Word of the Day: Armor of God

2006-11-21T09:42:00.000-05:00

On the Last Chapter of Ephesians. In the later part of the Chapter, Paul tells the church to "be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might." (Ephesians 6:10).

He talks about the armor of God and what it means to put it on (verses 14 to 18).

Waist Girdle: Truth
Breastplate: Righteousness
Shod the Feet: Preparation for the Gospel of Peace
Shield: Faith
Helmet: Salvation
Sword: Spirit - Word of God

Final Action: PRAYING in the Spirit, leading to BOLDNESS to make known the mystery of the gospel.

What I've noticed is that while God wants us to put all those equipment on to be strong, it is to be strong in HIM, not in our own strength and our own abilities. And I've also noticed that praying here is not used as a "doing nothing" thing but in fact, it is a very active ACTION word. God does not want us to go fight the battle without any preparation. Our prep work is the armor and the PRAYING, getting ready for the day when He calls us into active battle.

So dear friends, put on the Armor of God and prepare daily for the day when our dear Lord, Savior and King calls us to go out into the battlefield and win the souls of all who need Him.

Meaningful Lessons

2006-11-21T00:13:00.000-05:00

I've been learning some life lessons during the last few weeks through various avenues - relationships, sadness, tiredness, the Bible and more... All of which are being used by God to guide me and remind me of life's priorities.

1. A True Friend is one who is willing to spend time with you, just being there, when you're down. He/She is willing to put aside other stuff and realizes that friendship is more valuable.

I'm sad and happy to say that I have had to realize this the tough way. Sad, because the one I thought was a good friend never did this. Happy, because the most unexpected person turned out to be this good friend. God is loving and He gave me the right person at the right moment.

2. Responsibilities are overrated. I'm realizing that I don't like them at all, but they are necessary to grow, learn and use my freedom wisely.

I'm going to try and shed some of the extra activities next semester that have no meaning and lasting impact and focus more on those which do. I am learning that being busy with activities is not good. Instead, being busy with building relationships is what I should focus on.

3. I am too negative thinking and it affects the way I deal with the issue. When I start focusing on the negative parts, my entire perception changes and it leads to me become unable to do well on that issue. I have to be more positive thinking and look at the good side, not forgetting the bad, but not allowing it to take me over.

4. I've reading Ephesians now and there is one line that has jumped at me.

"Be angry, and do not sin." Ephesians 4:26

That sounds like a paradox doesn't it? How can I be angry, yet not sin? Is this righteous anger? What categorizes it? How do I know that I'm sinning or not when I'm angry? This led me to:

"Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still." Psalm 4:4

Hmm... Meditate within my heart and be still... I don't know EXACTLY what it means but I'm guessing that its to reflect on it positively in private and quieten my heart and mind and allow God to help me deal with my anger. Any other ideas?

Word of the Day

2006-11-15T06:49:00.000-05:00

Why I am up at 6:30am willingly without an alarm clock I do not know. I have not been sleeping well the last few days, been tossing and turning and have been unable to have a peaceful sleep. So instead of trying to fight it, I just woke up and decided to do my Bible reading for the day. Actually, reading it in the morning when I'm wide awake and when the house is very quiet and peaceful is VERY VERY good. So anyway, this is my reading for the day.

Galatians Chapters 4 to 6. I'm just going to quote a section that I've found very interesting and good for me.

Galatians 5:13-22
For you, brethren, have been called to liberty: only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: "You shall love your neighbour as yourself."
But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!

I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another. so that you do not do the things that you wish.
But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.
And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

Tithing for the Bills or the People?

2006-11-07T22:00:00.000-05:00

I have something against churches who get loans from banks for the sake of building an amazing place for the Lord's Work. I'm sorry, but the Lord's Work does not need expensive wall panels, thick carpets and comfy chairs. God does NOT need you to have a building to serve Him.

Whatever happened to not being yoked with the World. The way I see it, oweing tons of money to the bank and spending years to pay it off is being yoked with the World. Who are you constructing this building for, REALLY? For God, or for the impression and the good reputation it will bring the church. Because if God really wants you to have this building, I'm pretty sure he'll provide all the finances you need without you having to borrow money from the bank. After all, God has all the riches in the World. I'm sure he'll provide for your needs so you don't need to be in debt to the World.

This is RIDICULOUS!! What is happening to churches nowadays? It seems all I see are building projects and them encouraging us to 'tithe' to the church for the building. I do not want my money going to bills and interest loans repayments. I want it to go directly to the PEOPLE, to reaching out directly to the community and providing tangible help to them! I am pretty sure we can do all these without a fancy building, probably even more!

Will you love me enough?

2006-11-06T10:33:00.000-05:00

With so many scandals ongoing now in the church, it has caused me to think. So many church leaders have sinned and continued to sin while serving in the Church and NO ONE SAID ANYTHING.

That is very sad. As members of the Body of Christ, we have to hold each other accountable for our actions, no matter what our "position" in the church. In fact, the more responsibilities we take on, the more people HAVE to hold us accountable because of the influence we have on others.

Many times, out of respect, people will keep their mouths shut when they see someone sinning or even close to sinning. That is not true respect. If you truly respect and love that person, you will not want them to fall into the pit of sin. You will pull them up and awaken them to their senses, even if this might cause you to lose their friendship for a while.

I'm not saying we have a right to be judgemental. I'm saying we have a DUTY to one another to lovingly reproach and help one another stay on the long and narrow path.

"Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear." Proverbs 25:12.

As one blogger (Everyday Mommy) wrote in her blog, "How immeasurable is the value of our friends who, in the bold act of love, reprove us when we need reproving. Faithful are the wounds of a friend who knows when to say, "Have you examined yourself?""

Will you be such a friend and hold me accountable? Will you tell me and pull me back when you see me walking close to the edge? Will you pray alongside me and help me find my way back to Christ? Will you LOVE me enough to reproach me?

21!

2006-11-03T12:11:00.000-05:00

My birthday is happening in 12 hours!!! November 4, remember that wonderful day! wohoo!! I'm turning 21!! And I'm going to celebrate differently from a lot of college students! I'm going for a nice lunch with friends and... that's all! NO DRINKING!! NO ALCOHOL!! and NO GETTING DRUNK!!

Let's be unique!

Different versions of friendship

2006-11-02T01:45:00.000-05:00

Things have gotten a bit better. She is somewhat talking to me, although she seems to love to talk to people on the phone more than to me who is living next door. She also asked me to go with her earlier to the dinner to reserve the seats. Although I take this as her saying things are back to normal, these past days have made me reflect and seriously analyse this friendship.

I have come to several conclusions after the thought process and heartache.

1. Her definition of "Best Friend" is very different from me. I expect a lot deeper and closer ties than she does.

2. She's never really been all that much interested in my life. She would let me talk a bit about stuff but then she'll switch the topic back to her life.

3. I've been blinded to all these and more maybe because last year, I was thrown into a new country and new school and life and she was one thing that was stable and she was one the quickest to get to know me. (She's very friendly and makes friends easily.)

4. I have different expectations of what best friends should do for each other.

All these have led to me concluding that maybe to her, she might label me as her best friend, but I've realized that I would just say she's a good friend. It hurts that I've "lost" a best friend but seeing that she never really was that close to me on a very deep level, I just feel stupid for not seeing this sooner.

So the last few days of crying, being hurt and having everything accumulating on me, especially that emotional turmoil I've been experiencing, has taken a toil on my health. I'm eating less (which is probably a good thing), not sleeping well and having headaches.

Even though it really hurts now and it will take a while to get out of it, I do know that God is allowing this to happen to me so that I can realize how desperately needy I am of Him and His love. Progress is slow, but I am finally slowly taking those steps to abandon my pride and stubborness and cling on Him. To hold on tight to He who will never forsake nor hurt me like humans can.

If you are willing, please pray for me, that I will be willing to learn and accept whatever God has planned for me, especially in this hard time. Also pray that my loneliness will not push me away from God into other stuff, but will pull me closer into His loving arms.

Thanks.

Alone

2006-11-01T00:44:00.000-05:00

I don't know why I'm crying...
I don't know why I hurt so bad...
I just know that God is my Father...
And even though I feel so alone...
He will never forsake me nor leave me...

Hurt

2006-10-31T23:42:00.000-05:00

Today, she talked to me. Or should I say, I talked to her. I have to initiate the conversation if not she would never have talked to me. And she invited me to her birthday dinner tomorrow.

While I'm happy that she is making this step to rebuild our friendship, I can't help but be hurt that if I didn't approach her and find out what was wrong and tried to made amends, she would have totally not told me about the dinner and gone on without me.

It cut me deeply because when someone proclaims to be my best friend and then because of one problem intentionally not involved me in something so big, it makes me wonder if she even values this friendship. She invited people she just met but would have excluded me, her supposed best friend.

I don't know what to feel. I know I should be thankful that she finally is reaching out to me, but yet I am very deeply hurt by her actions. Everytime I think about it, I go on the verge of crying.

Another thing that makes me even sadder is that I've been sick and tired and been burdened with many problems to deal with, and yet my "best friend" doesn't seem to care or even ASK how I am doing. Instead, people I've just known for over a month seem to care more about me and are constantly asking if I'm ok and what they can do to help.

I'm so tired of being hurt and sometimes this is the reason why I don't like to open my heart and be vunerable to people. Because they can hurt you so deeply. Maybe I've chosen wrong for a best friend. Maybe she does not know how deeply she's hurt me. Maybe she doesn't even care.

Losing a Friend

2006-10-30T18:28:00.000-05:00

I'm finding it tough balancing having to be "in charge" of this house and being a friend to the house people, especially my best friend. Lately, I've been feeling that she does not want to talk to me and is angry at me. So I asked her today if there was something up and she said there was. She said lately everything I've said to her has been instructional and telling her stuff. She didn't like that.

It shocked me but reflecting, I would say that she's right. I've been so caught up trying to deal with the issues of this house that I've not had a good friend conversation with her for a long time. It's so hard to be both a friend and a RA. Sometimes I hate being a RA because of that. I don't want to lose our good friendship yet I do have to sometimes tell her stuff...

I guess I have to learn to balance the two more. I'm going to have to work hard to rebuild this friendship because I don't want to lose it. I just pray and hope she is willing to work with me on this. She doesn't seem to want to do anything to make the situation better.

I'm feeling ever more lonely, stressed, tired and down. As I write this, tears are running down my face. I want to be home now, forget about all the troubles and worries and just be in the comforting presence of my family, especially my mom.

Journeying Back Home

2006-10-29T16:55:00.000-05:00

Went to my friend's church this morning as part of my Religion Class assignment. After not going to church for a while, I realized what I've missed about church - Peace, Calm, Renewed...

I need church. I need the community... I need the peace in my heart... I need time with fellow believers in praising God.

This morning has made me realize how much I've been slipping... how much I've been letting my laziness and excuses carry me away from the peace and comfort of God's arms. It is time I journey on back home.

~~~~I'm weary and heavy-ladened. It's time I stop wandering and head back home into His loving arms.~~~~

A True Blessing

2006-10-28T03:01:00.000-04:00

The process of getting to know someone deeper than the acquaintance level is very interesting and exciting. It is very time-consuming too but I love just sitting down with someone and spending time just talking about life and our views on things and having fun together. It is a very enriching and inspiring time for me.

I have never liked superficial friendships. To me, being a friend means understanding and knowing the core and foundation of that person. A true friendship is meaningful and helpful and inspiring and takes a lot of time and effort on both sides to develop.

I just had an amazing opportunity to reach into the mind and core of a new friend. After our house halloween party, a friend and I sat down for 2 hours and talked about anything and everything. We talked about personality quirks, the way we think, our view on church, baptism and a lot of other stuff. Time passed so fast and before we knew it, it was 2:40am. WOW! I truly enjoyed that time and always look for more opportunities to do that with people.

I'm glad that the Lord is bringing people like this friend who are willing to share their lives with me. It is truly a blessing.

Do It Anyway

2006-10-23T00:54:00.000-04:00

So this poem has been floating on my compuer screen for the last week or so to remind and encourage me. I think it's time to share it with you all. Enjoy.

Do It Anyway
By Roy Lessin--

Others may not notice your efforts or give you recognition for something you've done. The credit may even go to someone else.
Do it anyway, as unto Me,
for I am pleased by your service and will honor your obedience.

There may be times when a job you've done will be rejected. Something you have prepared may be canceled or delayed.
Do it anyway, as unto Me,
for I see all things and will bless the work of your hands.

You may do your very best, and yet fail. You may sacrifice time and money to help someone and receive no word of thanks.
Do it anyway, as unto Me,
for I am your reward and will repay you.

There may be times when you go out of your way to include others and later have them ignore you. You may be loyal on your job, and yet someone else is promoted ahead of you.
Do it anyway, as unto Me,
for I will not fail you or make you be ashamed.

You may forgive others, only to have them hurt you again. You may reach out in kindness, only to have someone use you.
Do it anyway, as unto Me,
for I know your heart and will comfort you.

You may speak the truth but be considered wrong by others. You may do something with good intentions and be completely misunderstood.
Do it anyway, as unto Me,
for I understand and will not disappoint you.

There may be times when keeping your word means giving up something you want to do. There may be times when commitment means sacrificing personal pleasure.
Do it anyway, as unto Me,
for I am your Friend, and will bless you with My Presence.

The House Mom...

2006-10-22T02:14:00.000-04:00

First off, before the moms who read this go, "You see what we go through everyday?", I'll admit that I highly admire and now understand how awesome you ladies are everyday. I'm about ready to kill my house residents over something that seems trivial... DISHES!

I've been nagging and nagging and reminding and encouraging and begging people to do the dishes so they don't just pile up. Some people do. Some people put it in the sink and say they'll do it later and some do come back, some never do. It starts to pile up. The record days the sink has been FULL of dirty dishes has been 5 days... FIVE DAYS!!!

I go around asking people individually if those are their dishes. Everyone says, "No. I ALWAYS do my dishes." Unless there's a ninth resident in the house I'm not aware of or there's a sink-filling ghost haunting our house, SOME PEOPLE AREN'T TELLING THE TRUTH!!!! Now, I've been giving them the benefit of the doubt and saying MAYBE they just forgot. But it's been happening too often to be just a forgetfulness thing.

I can't understand why it's so difficult to just spend 2 minutes washing and drying the dishes. It's not that hard!!!!! After 2 months of talking, it is not working. Thus I am resorting to more extreme measures to make them do their dishes, becoz honestly, I have SICK of doing people's dishes everyday.

I've sent an email out basically saying my displeasure with the current situation and that I am going to start taking pictures of the dirty dishes in the sink if they remain in the sink for more than a day. I'll email the photo to the residents and if the people responsible don't wash it within the day, I'll put up the lovely picture on the kitchen wall for EVERYONE to see how "HYGIENIC" and "CONSIDERATE" the girls are. If I find out whose dishes those are (with good evidence), I'll go talk to the girl.

Now, I know this sounds pretty bad and you must be thinking "It's only dishes, why so harsh?" Well, because it is my job as the resident assistant in the cottage to make sure everything is going smoothly and that the house is maintained and that the atmosphere of the house is happy and light. You'll be amazed at how dishes can ruin everything and make people snap at each other.

We'll see how this goes. If this still doesn't work, I'll ask everyone to take their own dishes and cooking stuff and put it back in their individual cupboards. Meaning, they are not to be shared anymore. Those who don't have stuff, have to get their own. This way, they feel the consequence of being inconsiderate and irresponsible.

I'm trying my best to be patient and hold my temper. I'm doing pretty ok so far, but I don't think I can nice anymore if they test my patience too much. Pray for me k? Thanks.

School Update

2006-10-19T01:33:00.000-04:00

So, here's a few new stuff that I've gotten myself into this year:

1. Alpha Phi Omega
A Service Fraternity, focuses on community service. Definitely not a Greek one... you KNOW I won't join those! :P

2. Student/Faculty Judicial Board
The Judicial Board for Hope College. This is going to be interesting...

That's 2 of my many activities. Should be fun!!!

Singaporean Lah

2006-10-16T22:39:00.000-04:00

My dad sent this to me recently and it CRACKED ME UP!!! It's Hossan Leong, a famous Singaporean comedian, singing about being Singaporean.

Hossan Leong's Song

WARNING though: it does contain a lot of Singlish so you might have a tough time fully understanding it if you don't know Singlish. But just hearing Singlish in its essence will be a cultural experience!

ENJOY!

Memories

2006-10-16T13:55:00.000-04:00

Time for some interactive blogging!

Leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember! Leave a comment on here. Next, re-post this in your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty cool (and funny) to see the responses. Repost as "memories."

Come on, you know you wanna post!

Annoying Crushness

2006-10-15T23:26:00.000-04:00

Crushes... the lovely feeling that makes me wanna kill myself. They make me act funny and wierd and I hate that. I AM getting better at not acting differently than usual... BUT I still act funny... and people eventually learn to tell when I'm in the presence of someone I have a crush on, and that's VERY annoying.

So, the story goes a bit like this, I've been getting to know a few guys friends. They are totally cool and fun and natural and easy-going. As I got to know them better, one jumped out a bit more. I thought, "Oh, its ok. It's just my head playing tricks on me because of the loneliness issue." So I dismissed it and went back to normal life. Ok, after yesterday where everyone was dressed up so nice and sharp and handsome, the "crushness" hit me hard... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Someone help me!!!

I guess I'll have to wait it out and let it go away. It usually does... This is annoying.

PS: In other important news, two of my top three all time favourite blogs are going to be MIA for the next week... Oh what will I do? I'm addicted to their blogs!! NOOOOOOO!!

Homecoming Dance

2006-10-15T01:06:00.000-04:00

OUCHIIEEEE, my feet hurt!!! And my muscles are aching! Dancing is sure hard work... but totally FUN!!!!!

Most of my house and our "honorary" house members went to the Homecoming Dance together. It was very nice to see the guys all dressed up and looking spiffy. The girls were so cute and BEAUTIFUL!!!

We jumped right in and started dancing! Most of us stink at it, but who cares!!! It was for the fun!!!! I also had my first slow dance with a friend!! Kinda wierd being so close to a guy but it was an experience! :)

Here are the pictures from my eventful night! :)

Edit: Added Picture! Don't the guys look nice in their suits?

Networking Really Works

2006-10-14T02:50:00.000-04:00

As you probably know by now, I'm a Senior in College and am starting to panic about having to go to work... And thus, I wanted to buff up my resume and also possibly get a job around here by doing a Spring internship with an international company based around here, interning in marketing or event management.

So, there was this networking session for Hope alumni (Homecoming Weekend) that was organized tonight and so I went thinking MAYBE i can get some connections and build some possible options, or just hear from experienced people in my line.

Guess what happened!!!

Not only did I get to hear from people's experience, I met someone from Alticor who said that Alticor is always looking for young fresh blood who are willing to work and have great ideas. He gave me his contact and ASKED me to send him my resume!!! He's going to see if he can get an internship for me there! WOHOOOOOOO!!

I am SOOOO EXCITED!! I am hoping this will work out!! Please pray for me, that I'll handle this well and maybe get this internship. If I don't get it, pls pray that I'll learn to be ok with it too and trust God with my internship. THANKS! :)

6 Steps of Blogging Ties

2006-10-13T14:35:00.000-04:00

You know the "law" of 6 steps to... where you can connect two random things in the world with just 6 steps? Well, How about the 6 steps of blogging ties... U see, I've been reading a few blogs diligently and one day I decided it'll be fun to go click on their links for more blogs... One blog led to another and I ended back.... with my TEACHER!! I think she's my secondary school teacher... or maybe my primary school... my memory is all mushed together right now.

And the funny thing is, I didn't REALIZE that it was my teacher's blog. I just randomly left a comment on her blog coz i thought it cool that I ended up with a Singaporean's blog after all the American's. Than, she made the connection and left a comment for me!!!

Anyway, here's my cool journey:

1. My Thoughts... My Say (my blog)
2. That's my story and I'm sticking to it...
3. It Could Happen To You
4. Rocks in My Dryer
5. Everyday Mommy
6. Twinkle Twinkle Little Tar (my teacher's blog)

See!! WAY COOOLLLLLLLL!!! It's amazing the little things that God does for me that brightens up my day and just marvel in His creativity and ingenuity. Who would have guessed that a tiny seemingly insignificant fact like that can cheer me up so much??!!!

Even better, my wonderful teacher even posted on her blog a reply for my post to encourage me in my loneliness struggle now. Thank you SOOOO MUCH!!!!

Don't Find Him, He'll Find You

2006-10-09T15:23:00.000-04:00

I found this on someone's Facebook Notes and it really hit me and made me stop and think. Its perfect timing because of the loneliness I've been feeling and wanting that "special someone". Always thinking, "Is he the ONE?" is making me tired and preventing me from building good, strong friendships. I hope this will help you too, just as it helped me realize that what I've been doing isn't right and good. The Lord has a plan and we just to wait patiently while growing in the Lord... easier said than done.

So read on:

Don't Find Him, He'll Find You
A.J. Kiesling
Author & Contributing Writer

A few years ago someone said the words I most needed to hear as a single woman. Ironically, it was another single woman who uttered these words – a bit of wisdom gleaned from her mother, I suspect. If I could tell her now, I would let my friend know how much her simple reply comforted my heart, and how many times it has anchored me when I despaired of ever finding “the one.” They are words I want you to hear too.

Having just passed the time of year that privately makes every “searching single” wince – Valentine’s Day – it was a relief when the words from this long-ago conversation floated back to me, as relevant as the day they were spoken.

My friend Heather had pulled me aside after our church’s midweek worship band rehearsal that night. The sparkle in her dark brown eyes reflected the joy of a newfound love in her own life – a relationship that indeed turned out to be “the one” two years later.

“So how’s everything going with Joe?” she asked, eager to hear the latest developments of my on-again off-again relationship with a guy from church. I almost felt guilty when my disappointing answer stole the smile from her face. Things were definitely not so good, I told her, and it looked like Joe and I were headed for a dead end.

Before I could stop myself I lapsed into that despairing mode all searching singles are familiar with. I call it the “Why Has God Forgotten Me?” syndrome (you might also call it a pity party). When everyone around you seems to be coupled off or at long last meeting the man or woman of their dreams, you soldier on alone. You purchase your meals-for-one at the grocery store and wonder: Has God forgotten my address?

Sighing, I told Heather, “It’s okay. I know God has someone special out there for me. I just wish I could find him.”

My friend looked at me intently and shook her head. “No, Angie, he’ll find you.” My puzzled look must have told her the words needed repeating: “The right man will find you.”

The words sank into my spirit as Heather continued. “Remember? The Bible says he who finds a wife finds a good thing…it’s the man’s job to find you. You just have to wait.” She rambled on in this vein for a few minutes, but all my mind could register was an overwhelming sense of relief. The pressure was off; the search was over.

If you’re a single guy reading these words right now, you may be thinking, "Great! So shove the burden onto our shoulders!" But believe me when I say this arrangement is not the female gender’s idea – everything within us seems bent on trying to make things happen. We work ourselves into a frenzy trying to go here, be there, attend all the right functions, search online, and discreetly ask our friends for blind-date setups. But I have a hunch this is not what God intended for our single-woman status to look like. In allowing men to be the hunters – the ones who do the searching and finding — He must have a perfect design up His sleeve.

Even though my friend’s words comforted me the night I first heard them, the passage of time has a wearing-down effect. Sometimes the rest and peace inherent in those words get lost in the worry that time is running out. I find myself in search mode again, wondering of every passable guy I meet, “Could he be the one?”

In her classic book "Passion and Purity," Elisabeth Eliot talks about this rather unpopular notion of waiting – of being a single woman not intent on finding Mr. Right but allowing God to bring him to you. The Bible is replete with examples of this pattern: When the time was right, God “brought” Eve to Adam; Abraham’s servant went out and found a wife for Isaac; Jacob, traveling to a distant land, found the girl of his dreams in Rachel. But note this: All of them were going about the business of doing the work God had for them to do.

A few months ago I read a passage in a book that brought Heather’s words back to me. In the (true) story, a father asks his young teenage daughter if she ever worries about who she will marry and whether she is even interested in boys.

The daughter laughs and says, “Oh, Daddy, you and I both know God has a special guy out there for me, and when the time comes He’ll bring him along.”

Once again, those words of quiet assurance stopped me in my tracks. "Lord, give me faith like that young girl," I thought.

We have no divine guarantee that a longing for something ensures ultimate satisfaction, but at least now I know (and keep reminding myself) that as a single woman, if God does have one special man waiting for me, it’s not my job to find him. He’ll find me.

A. J. Kiesling is the author of "Jaded: Hope for Believers Who Have Given Up on Church But Not on God" (Baker). She welcomes your thoughts and comments. Feel free to write her at jaded0351@yahoo.com. For more information about "Jaded," visit her online pressroom.
Copyright 2005 by A.J. Kiesling
-------------------------

In Honour of My Mom's Battle with Cancer

2006-09-26T22:29:00.000-04:00

My mom fought cancer and she kicked its butt!! So in honour of my wonderful and AMAZING mom, and my family who stood alongside her and fought too, I'm joining in the Hope's Relay for Life this October.

If you know me even slightly, you know that I am in NO WAY a physically active person, so for me to VOLUNTEER to walk for a couple of hours must mean that this is important to me, and it is.

If you want to support me and the tons of people who have gone through or are going through Cancer, please contribute ANY AMOUNT through the Relay for Life website.

Pls donate it under my name - Shuchen Li.

Thanks for helping me meeting my goal and encouraging me to walk on!!!!

Confused and Depressed

2006-09-23T19:25:00.000-04:00

Uprooted, Unsettled, Unstable, Rollercoaster Ride...

That's how I've been feeling for the last month or so... and it accumulated to today.

I don't know what I wanna do... They call it Senioritis... the phenomna that hits seniors in college. Maybe that's it.. or maybe not.

I've been moving from one place to another for the last 2 years. I hate that. I hate being uprooted, the sense of not belonging, the unsettleness... I HATE IT!!!!

I feel like breaking down and crying... But I won't let myself... Maybe I should. Might help... or might make things worst. I don't know what to do. I hate being so uncertain about everything. I've also been the one who knew what I wanted and went for it.. and Now.. I just don't know...

Pray for me k? It's been very hard for me to pray these days. Maybe I'm angry at God or maybe I'm angry myself... I think the latter is more likely. ARGH!!!

Steve Irwin

2006-09-04T01:16:00.000-04:00

I know this has nothing to do with me but Steve Irwin, the Australia Crocodil Hunter, has passed away in a freak accident. He was doing an underwater documentary and got stung in the chest by a stingray barb.Article

What is sad is that as of this moment, his wife is backpacking in the mountains and has not idea what happened.

PLEASE pray for her and their 2 children. The kids are still so young...

Please Read This...

2006-08-28T00:25:00.000-04:00

For months now I've been reading a blog of a wonderul witty lady named Amelia. Her posts about her days with her daughter and husband are so entertaining and at times, emotional.

Well. now she is going through a time of uncertainty and hardship. Read her post here: and please PLEASE pray for them.

Arrived

2006-08-21T07:42:00.000-04:00

Typed out at Saturday, 10pm.

I just arrived at my house about an hour ago. Took a NICE long shower and than set up my bed.

The journey across was interesting. The security increase was very obvious and resulted in some interesting results. In Singapore, we had 2 bag checks and a body search, but it was fast, typically Singapore. In Hong Kong, what usually takes 10 mins to walk across took an hr. Only ONE counter was open in the 1st check for 2 plane loads of people. Then had to go through another bag check and body search. Thus, the flights out of Singapore and HK were a bit delayed.

But in Chicago, it was opposite. Usually, Chicago customs is the SLOWEST and most ANNOYING. Also, the luggage takes eternity to come out. Well, today, it was SUPER fast. What usually takes me at least an hr took me 45 mins to do everything and end up at my boarding gate. Almost all custom counters were open and they were moving moving moving. For chicago custom officers, that is unusual. hehehe. And the baggage came up very fast and i just grabbed and walked right through the other customs with my bags. I got to my gate with 2 hrs to spare. So I went and ate something coz I was starving and just picked a good spot, hugged my bags and took a nap. lol

This time, I didn't sleep very well during the journey. I only went into FULL sleep on the Chicago to Grand Rapids section.... all of 27 minutes.

Well, I thank God I'm safe and sound. My friend picked me up and helped me bring my luggage into the house and up to the 2nd floor where my room is. The house is beautiful and cosy. Really a blessing.

Anyway, I miss you all already. I'm about to go crash in bed. Update u more later!!

Flying Woos

2006-08-10T10:17:00.000-04:00

Sigh.. Now with the terror attempt discovered in UK, the US is on red alert. I'm flying back next Sat... when security will be at its all time high. I can expect to spend a longgggggg time waiting at Chicago airport and MANY checks and delays.

I'm going to push my flight from Chicago to GRR back by an hour. Pls pray that my luggage and I will make my flight.. and I won't have any trouble going through customs.

single and happy!

2006-07-17T21:49:00.000-04:00

I have therefore concluded with meself as of this particular moment, that I'm glad I'm single. hahahaha!!

My mind keeps changing man!!

See,
1. I'm not stable in my location now.
2. I like doing stuff on my own and my time.
3. No one to have to go and spend all those emotional time with...

Of course, that's not to say I never wanna have that special someone... but problem free me is kinda happy and glad. Like my mom told me, thank God for my singlehood. Coz we probably might not have that time for long. :)

Lonely

2006-07-11T13:24:00.000-04:00

These few days, I've been having these longings... to have that special someone..

The feelings have been coming and going for the past few years, normal i suppose.

But these few days, its so intense. It's like I am craving a relationship... I cry out to God. When Lord? When?
Every decent guy i meet, I cant help it.. but the first thoughts that pop up in my head are, "Maybe he could be the one."

It's annoyin!!! I try not to think that but it alwayssss come. Then it subsequently makes the conversation awkward for me... I just wanne get to know a FRIEND!! AHHHHHHHHHHH

Life Hurts

2006-07-10T10:01:00.000-04:00

Another reminder how tough and heartbreaking life can be.

I've been playing this online game, Puzzle Pirates, for a few years now and have formed a close bond with my crew mates on it.

One of my maties was anticipating the birth of his first child. We've all been so excited with him... But last week, the baby was born prematurely at 28 weeks with a heart defect. After 3 days, the baby passed away.

the pain and anguish that both of them feel pains us, as a community. They have no hope as they do not know the Lord. Pls pray with me that they will discover the love and peace that God brings and that He will hold them as they grieve and mourn the loss of a precious baby.

My heart aches for them. Life Hurts so much. I just jolts me out of my daily routine and reminds me that life is painful and short, esp for those who do not have the everlasting hope and peace.

It is my responsibility to bring this Peace to them. I cannot wait and hold back. They need God.

Pain

2006-07-03T11:51:00.000-04:00

hm.. my back hurts, my tummy hurts. everything hurts...

Why is it only when I am on holiday that my body starts creaking and complaining...

Part of life I guess....

Alone

2006-06-13T04:54:00.000-04:00

Have you been truly alone? Not only physically, but spiritually and emotionally? Have you felt the deep despairing feeling of total abandonment by everyone, even those who profess to love you?

Thank God I haven't... but Jesus Christ did. I'm reading "The Path of His Passion" by Bill Crowder and for the first time, the weight and true scale of what Jesus had to suffer for me has hit me. It's not just his time on the cross... its before that too.

In the Garden where He prayed, everyone was abandoning Him. This sentence in the book explains it best:

"His family had turned from Him (Mark 3.21), the crowds had walked away (John 6:66), the Twelve had become Eleven, the Eleven were reduced to Three -- and they were asleep."

Asleep? On the final hours of Christ's life on Earth, they chose to SLEEP? As much as I would like to point fingers, I can't. Because u know what, I probably would have done the exact same thing. How foolish, undependable and hurtful can we be?

When Christ died, He was alone... His disciples had fled and denied Him. His Father in Heaven had turned from Him... how painful the agony He had to go through.

This hymn is quoted in the book:

"It was alone the Savior prayed
In dark Gethsemane;
Alone He drained the bitter cup
And suffered there for me.
Alone, alone, He bore it all alone;
He gave Himself to save His own,
He suffered, bled and died alone, alone."

Weak

2006-06-09T16:04:00.000-04:00

How Weak I am!
How easy it is for me to fall back into sin!
How vunerable and helpless I am!

Oh Lord, help me keep faithful in you
Help me search for your Will everyday of my life
Help me not get lazy
Help me keep to the hard road that you have set before me

I need you O Lord!
I am nothing wth you!
I am so evil and so deprived!
Please keep me close to you!
Please help me fulfill my promises!
Please never stop loving me and giving up on me!!

My Cry

2006-05-09T22:42:00.000-04:00

O LORD, You have searched me and known me,
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowlege is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost partd of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall leade me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.

For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139. Verses 1 - 6, 7 - 10, 13 - 15 & 23 -24

Prayers Needed

2006-05-09T21:19:00.003-04:00

Dear friends,

At this time, I would like to ask for your prayers for my brother, Joel. My brother is going through a very tough time now and needs as much support from the saints as possible. The Lord is breaking him down and it is very painful and hurting for him. What's more, he's in Australia now and is away from me and my family.

If you could fit him into your long list of people to pray for, please pray that God will carry and hold him and that my brother will lean on God for support for the pain.

Thank you in advance. Although you may not know my brother, I believe that with many saints lifting him up in prayer, he will be surrounded by the support of his spiritual family.

Thanks.

Debby Li

Adult World

2006-05-05T13:32:00.000-04:00

So, exams are finally over for this semester and just when it gets exciting.... I start May classes on Monday. No rest for the wicked I guess. hehehe.

Well, some interesting stuff have happened to me lately. I won't go into it BUT I can say that its part of me growing up. As my mom said, "Welcome to the Adult World!" ... ... ... I'm not liking the Adult World too much right now! I wanna stay a teenage forever!!!! ok ok.... there are some nice things about adult world... but so far, the cons outweigh the pros.

Oh well, this is my complaint. Bye bye teenage world. Hello Big people world!

Time for Goodbyes

2006-05-01T16:11:00.000-04:00

It is a sad time. Some good friends I've made are graduating and moving on with their lives. Time with my apartment mates are coming to an end. I'm going to miss most people a lot.

I really thank God especially for my wonderful roommate, Jessica. She's the 2nd one from the left. She is such an AMAZING roommate. She is easy going and supportive. She doesn't mind my messes (and believe me, I can get very messy), she allows me to rant and rave when I'm frustrated and mad, we talk and laugh a lot before we fall asleep and I just feel so comfortable around her. I know that she doesn't judge me and is willing to listen. It is truly the Lord's gift to give such an amazing person to me, especially on my first year here. He knew who I needed and He gave her to me. God is so loving and thoughtful. I probably would not have eased into here as well if I didn't have Jess!

I am sad because next semester, she'll be in Chicago doing an off-campus semester. Then when she comes back, I'll be in Philadelphia. We probably won't spend much time together again just because of the different circles we hang out in. I am sadden that I won't have her as a roommate anymore. :(

But oh well, people have to leave eventually. I'm just so grateful that I had her for a year!!

Equally Yoked

2006-04-29T23:01:00.000-04:00

I'm learning more and more why God wants us to marry and give ourselves to someone who has the same beliefs and mission in life as us.

Seeing people around me argue with their boyfriends over alcohol and gambling, and the amount of time and energy wasted on this, is really an eye opener.

When God commanded us to bond that closely with another who loves Him deeply, He just wants to save us the pain and heart ache caused when we bond with someone who does not want to serve Him. Alcohol and gambling are just some ways that it shows where are priorities lie.

Yes, simple quarks of each other can and will probably have to be worked out. But if a couple is together because they both love the Lord deeply and the relationship is rooted in obedience and service to God, then arguments like those will probably never blow up to the depth and I am seeing that happen around me.

I pray that God will show and guide me so that I may choose wisely.

REFLECTION: Spiritual Warfare... But God is Good

2006-04-27T02:19:00.000-04:00

If you know me well, you know that I don't like to equate everything with spiritual warfare and the devil.

However, I now seriously am convinced that I am right now in spiritual warfare. Over the last few days, one bad thing has been hitting me after another. It seems like the minute I am calm about something, another thing comes up and punches me in my gut and my soul.

I have been going through a torrent of emotions, sadness, grieve, anger, frustration, disappointment and many more in just one day.

And you know what? I praise God for this. Yes, I praise God for the hard times and the punchese and kicks. I am not glad that I'm experiencing what I am experiencing now, but I still praise God for His love and grace and most of all PEACE.

Thinking on this, if these have happened to me a few years back, or even last year, I would be depressed and deeply troubled and will be in a negative frame of mind. However, I can see the Lord's hand in my life, especially over the last year. Even when I've been fighting Him all the way, He still loves me so much that He's been shaping and molding me into someone who trust in His peace and His strength. I can see this through me being able to rejoice in the simple joys of the day, without letting my troubles over cloud them.

I take no credit for my calmness and ability to think with a clear mind now. It is all God. He is the one who is helping me say the right words and think the right thoughts. If you know me, you'll also know that I tend to shoot my mouth off and saying the wrong things. But amazingly, when times were tense and the right words NEEDED to be said, it came out of my mind. God put it there. It's no way me. I'm not that good and wise, I'm not even close.

My heart may be troubled by the stuff I see around me and what I'm experiencing, but its a troubleness with calm and peace. It is knowing that when I try to tackle these stuff, God is there and carrying me on His strong shoulders and lovingly holding on tightly to me. He is never going to let me go.

God is soooo amazing. He convicted my heart to seek Him. All year, I've tried to jumpstart a daily devotional time with God. I've come up with grand schemes and plots to make these work. They never do. But one night, a quiet and also negligible thought came into my mind - "Start tonight." there was no plans, no plots, no schemes. Just a whisper from God and this time, amazingly, I listened.

and you know what? In just a few weeks of starting this every night before bed, I can feel His amazing peace in my heart and soul. the sense of God that I've been craving and searching for has come because I listened to that tiny whisper. God works wonders, and I thank Him daily now, for His wonders in my life.

Is anyone reading this?

2006-04-13T00:13:00.000-04:00

Hm... I think I'm posting to myself now. Doesn't seem like anyone is reading this. If you are, can u pls leave a message letting me know? Thanks

Campaigning is so fun!!!

2006-04-11T19:51:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I got sucked into the elections campaign! I personally am so stoked!!! I'm helping with talking to my friends, emailing people, putting up posters and just promoting the two candidates for president and vice-president of student congress!!

I decided to throw my weight behind this pair because I know that they are very passionate about what they want to accomplish and Anne is always looking to make the multi-cultural and international students' voices heard!! The other pair can't care less about our voices. They just want the majority vote so they do everything for the majority and if the other students can join, great! If not, oh well, too bad.

Ok, getting too passionate about this! lol. This is so different from back home!!! EXCITING!!

I'm so MAD!!!!

2006-04-11T00:08:00.000-04:00

We had to watch a movie for my communications class called "Mississippi Burning". It was about racism in the 1960s in the state.

When I was watching it, I got so mad!!! How can people be so hateful and evil? How can they take another man's life one day and the next go to church and worship to God?!??!?!?!?!?!?! How can they justify the taking of another human's life? How can they live with themselves?!?!?!?!

I am so MADDDDDDD right now!!! The racism shown in the movie went all the way up to the court system!! And because of the corrupt judges and police officers, they can get away with it!! It is just not right!!!!!

I know it was about an incident that happened on the 60s, but its still going on today, just much more subtle!!! Instead of whites shooting blacks, we have evil people doing hateful and hurtful SUBTLE things against others!!!

I am so thankful I am from Singapore where its not based on the colour of your skin but by your skills and perseverence!!!! I'm so thankful to God for blessing me with a racism-free childhood!!!!

What I hated the most was that the evil people were claiming Christ the whole time!! BLASPHEMY!!! Christ came to bring salvation to ALL!! He didn't set the conditions that you had to be blond with blue eyes!! He loved EVERYONE!!! And further more, Jesus wasn't blond with blue eyes!!!! He was born in the Middle East!!!!!

You know, if there was no Christ, what would be the meaning of life? With all the evil in this world, why are we even trying to live? It's only through Christ and His love and strength do we have meaning to live in this hateful world!!

Politics is entertainment!!!

2006-04-04T23:17:00.000-04:00

I've always said that Politics was dirty and brings out the worst in people.

Firstly, It makes people super competitive and that is enough to get me cringing.

Then, people start finding every opportunity to make the other look bad. (The concept of being a good sport just went out the window.)

Next, they plot and scheme and try to undercut the person in public and feel proud about it. (By this time, I'm tuning out.)

And the worst thing is, its all under the pretense of being NICE and FRIENDLY. Everyone has a nice big smile on their face and try to make jokes about it when they are trying to cut another person's reputation. This is deception in the worst form.

When it enters this stage, the funniess thing happens. I stop feeling annoyed about it and start enjoying the show! Of course, when it gets too bad and ugly, I won't stand being around it. And of course I won't do anything to spur on the competition. But before it comes to that stage, it's kinda funny. It's like being an audience in a battle of wits and skills. Who can be the smartest and best presenter? Who can win the audience over by their charming smiles and dashing good looks? Who can bug their friends to vote for them even though the friends don't personally think they are capable of such a task?

Do you see all these during even a simple group election? I do and currently am. And Boy am I being entertained!

Life Sucks right now, but its OK

2006-03-16T00:32:00.000-05:00

I learnt a very valuable lesson today. Life may not go according to my plan, but its ok. God is always there.

Got my Commuications 160 Exam 2 paper back. Got a C-. Compared to my first exam where I got a A-, there's a big drop. I was so angry at myself. how could I have blanked out in the exam? What happened? I've never gotten a C- for any communication classes ever. I don't know why I was so upset. Throughout the whole class after, I could not concentrate and was feeling depressed.

After class, I rushed out of class and went to the Intl Student Lounge where I cried. Looking back, why was I crying over a C-? But in that moment, where I felt so crappy and lousy, I pleaded to the Lord to help me accept it and for His comfort.

And you know what? He responded instantly. Immediately, I felt a calmness and peace fill me. The tears dried up and even though my C- was still there, I felt ok. God is so good! He knew my hurt before I even told him and he hugged and held me while i cried.

Amazing Lord. Thank you God. you are so amazing

The Angel and Devil on my shoulders

2006-03-12T23:30:00.000-05:00

I feel like I'm torn inside. Whenever it comes to making a decision about my spiritual life, I feel like I have an angel and devil sitting on opposite sides on my shoulders, you know the common representative always used in tv.

The angel - The side of me that wants to be closer to God and give up my evil ways
The devil - The lazy side of me that does not want to put the effort, determination and discipline into seeking God and turning from my sins.

I just had a mental conversation with myself.

My angel said, "I want to start having a daily routine of personal quiet time with God."
My devil said, "Nah, its too much work. And we don't see any results."
Angel, "The only way I can see results is if we form this routine and keep at it. Learning and talking more with God."
Devil, "We always fail the next day anyway. So why bother?"
Angel, "I can make a timetable. Either every morning or every night, at a set time."
Devil, "If in the morning, we'll have to get up early. And u know how much we hate that. At night, we're doing work or destressing."
Angel, "Talking to God is destressing. The best destresser ever."

This was what was going on in my head, until I decided to sit down and write it out here. Well, it's not in whole sentences, but you get the idea.

Thinking back, I usually like my "devil" side win... When it comes to important spiritual matters, I turn lazy and don't wanna bother, since I don't see the results instantly. Maybe that's what I need to change, that instant attitude.

Pray with me, that my angel side will win...

"Dear Lord,

Pls Pls Pls help me. I can't do this alone. I'm too stubborn. Lord, plsssss help me. I don't wanna end up far from you. I want to be with you and in you. But Lord, its so hard. I can;t do it alone. Pls, give me the determination and strength to seek u every day and second. Help me be the woman I envision myself to be years later. Pls.

Amen"

Danced Out!

2006-03-12T00:53:00.000-05:00

Just returned from Dance Marathon, a fundraiser for the DeVos Children's Hospital in Grand Rapids. It was organised by my school. I was moralling for dancers who had to be on their feet for 24 hours straight! can u imagine? I was there for 10 over hours and I was dyinggg.... Boy, I'm unfit!

Anyway, I had a wonderful time dancing, massaging my dancers, hanging out with friends! It was amazing! I'm so glad i decided to do this! It is definitely a once in a lifetime event!

Pictures! view them here: http://hope.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2003885&l=d66d3&id=11402930

My first ever Formal Dance

2006-03-04T02:22:00.000-05:00

I went to "Winter Fantasia" my first ever formal dance. It was put up by the school. I enjoyed myself immensely!! I got all dolled up, did my hair, makeup, nice jewellry and a BEAUTIFUL gown that my mom and I bought back when I was in Singapore!! I felt soooo special and beautiful!!

The food was splendid and the dancing was FUN! I sure got a workout!!!

The pictures are here if anyone is interested: http://hope.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2003617&l=6781d&id=11402930

In Enemy Territory

2006-02-10T00:30:00.000-05:00

hahaha, posting this from Calvin College! I'm going to be here over the weekend for the Faith and International Development Conference!! The peeps here are cool.. and i get to track down a friend who transferred from Hope to Calvin this semester!

Taking Credit where its not due

2006-01-27T16:04:00.000-05:00

Don't you just hate it when someone takes credit where its not due? Especially when its YOUR credit they are taking? Well, someone did that to me.. and i found out by a close friend who was there at the time...

A feeling of indignation rose in me. Wqit a minute, that was MY idea! I did the work! ARGH!!!!!

Then it occurred to me, why am I feeling this way? Yes, she has "wronged" me, but its such a small thing and people will know... They will look down on her for it. So I don't need to let it get to me. I can just shake my head and shrug it away. People will always be doing this to me.. Get used to it! Let God deal with it.. Not worth my time to waste energy thinking about.

Please Pray

2006-01-22T01:27:00.000-05:00

Just got back from the Movie "End of the Spear". It is a very moving movie that has started a lot of questions and thoughts in my head.

I need urgent prayer for one thing. I invited a non-Christian friend who has had unpleasant encounters with "Christians" to this movie. please pray that the movie will be used as a tool to spur some questions in her head, like "Why would people do this?" or "Why didn't they take revenge?". I pray that these thoughts will start or continue her on a journey to finding these answers and prayerfully, to the truth of the gospel. This journey may take years for her, but pls pray with me. :)

New Semester, New Goals

2006-01-21T20:05:00.000-05:00

Back to school and work work work!

Landed last Wed night, by the time I got back to campus - 12:15am, Thurs morning. slept at 12:30am. woke up at 8:30am to start my classes. First day - THREE assignments due in 2 days. 2nd day - FOUR assignments due in 3 days.... sigh... they must have collaborated to HELP me get over my jet lag faster!!! all those work!!

Anyway, tonight at 9:30pm going to see the movie End of the Spear with a whole bunch of people. Check it out at: http://www.endofthespear.com/ It'll be fun!

Oh, I started this semester with a few new goals:

1. Wake up at least an hour before class start, instead of 30 mins... less rushing.
2. Spend more time talking to my roommates.
3. Get to know more people deeper.
4. Get to know the life stories of at least 2 people: Jesse and Gabriel.. from snippets I hear, their stories sound VERY interesting
5. Be more positive
6. Don't lose my temper. Keep cooolllllll.

Ok, so at the end of the semester, we'll see if I kept them... hmm

New Template

2006-01-06T08:08:00.000-05:00

Like my new template? like it? like it?!?!?!

Aren't the cats sooo cuteeeeee.. hehehe

found this online.

So, comments?

Need a Holiday from the Holiday

2005-12-25T08:07:00.000-05:00

I'm pooped!! Just came back from Malaysia after a week long family holiday. My bro, dad and I took turns driving up to Ipoh (8 hrs), Penang (4 more hrs), then finally ended up in Kuala Lumpur (4 more hours drive). Of coz, we took breaks in between. We spent the night in Ipoh, then drove to Penang for 3 days for a good time at a beach resort and eating famous penang food. then we had to go to KL to pick up my grandma, go to my great grand mother's 98th birthday and tolerate my uncle's love for talking nonsense and insulting everything and everyone.

Oh and I got sick too! Got sick on the way up to Ipoh. motion sickness, back pain, shoulder pain, gastric problem..... sigh.... my body must have been collapsing after my previous weeks of no sleep and tiredness. Then in Penang, I got well and my brother got food poisoning after eating rotten eggs at the hotel's breakfast buffet!!!!

What a trip!!! Now I just got back an hour ago and I'm so tired.... I need a vacation from the vacation.. funnyy

Snow Galore!!!!!

2005-12-09T09:17:00.000-05:00

So, Snow, Snow and Snow!!!

Its about 9 inchese or more of snow right now. walking is very hard!!!! The snow is up to my calf!!!!!!! FREEZZZIINNNNGGG

I need some loving sunshine and HEAT!!! Can't wait to go home!

Thanksgiving in Chicago

2005-11-28T22:50:00.000-05:00

It was an interesting 4 days in Chicago. It's a nice place to visit but would not want to stay there at all!!! Too depressing! All concrete, no trees and parks and greeneriess... I miss home!

So anyway, I went on Thursday morning, reaching there at noon time. Everything was closed for Thanksgiving, so I ate Subway for lunch and dinner since nothing was open. We just walked around town and got our bearings then went back to our hostel before it got too dark. It was spooky. No one on the streets... So odd for a big city like Chicago.

Then on Fri, we work up at 4am and left the hostel at 5am to line up at Sears in the FREEZING cold to go shopping! Wasn't my ideal way to wake up but my friend insisted on doing that coz Sears was giving a $10 gift card to the first 200 people in line... We were number 117 to 119. So waited outside the building for 45 minutes, trying to get warm and keep awake. We shopped the whole day after that... Walked around Chicago multiple times and for those who know how BIG Chicago is... that's a lot of miles to cover!! My feet hurt so bad at the end of the day.

Ok... hm... I'll cover the events of Sat and Sun tomorrow. too tired. bed time!

Oh and pictures of the trip are up at my photo album. Link on the left. Go check it out!

Muffins?

2005-11-16T22:50:00.000-05:00

I was out in the SNOW today, shivering, my hands turning FROZEN and shivering even with my gloves on... and I was talking to someone.

"I really should get MUFFINS," I said.

"MUFFINS?" asked my friend looking confused.

"You know the glove like thingies. To protect from the cold?" I explained.

"It's not MUFFINS!! Its MITTENS!!!" exclaimed my friend.

Ok, so now I'm the butt of all jokes for wanting to wear a muffin on my hand... Although it'll be good to have it there so I can munch on it as I go. Though my hand will freeze once I've eaten it up!

Snow's Coming

2005-11-14T23:30:00.000-05:00

I don't know whether to shout for joy or cry!!! Wed, Thurs and Fri there will be snow showers throughout the day... I'm happy to see the snow... but not excited about the cold.

I'm already FREEZING as it is...

HELP ME!!!

Its my Birthday!

2005-11-03T22:26:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, I turn 20 years old! WOHOOO!!!

I love it!! I'm sooo glad to be 20! It's a miracle I've lived so long, a gift from the WONDERFUL God!! I wanna thank my PARENTS for raising me, putting sooo much energy into stubborn little me, loving me despite my many faults and being there for me whenever I needed them!

I wanna thank my BROTHER for spoiling me, for playing with me, including me in everything he did, loving me, being the protective BIG brother and for being so close to me!!

I wanna thank my grandmother, for cooking all the yummy food for me, spoiling me rotten, loving me DESPITE me being mean to her (I'm so sorry for that paw!) and being the BEST grandma in the world!

Above all, I wanna thank the Almighty God, for being with me all these years, for saving me by His mercy, for being my support and endless help, for loving me inspite of my sins and for creating me and giving me all the gifts of life, especially my wonderful family.

New Web Home

2005-10-31T22:31:00.000-05:00

Announcing the revealing of www.deborahli.net!! The brand new site for me!

Some of you are probably wondering why the switch. Well, let me explain.

1. I changed providers of my domain plan because they seemed to ALWAYS have downtimes, they didn't keep their promises of refunding me because of the downtimes and plus they were giving me not much value for the money i was spending.

2. This new domain provider is offering me MUCH MUCH more features for the same price. They seem to have a good reputation for not having many downtimes and they were very helpful with all my tech questions meaning good support.

3. I changed the name of my domain because the new plan was offering a free name and I thought it was time to switch to a name that could withstand many years. Dream into paradise will not be able to work 10 years from now, but deborah li can.

So let me know what you think?

Homecoming Pic!

2005-10-26T13:18:00.000-04:00

Wohoooo!!! Homecoming Picture is now on my pictures collection! On the left bar, link is there!

Great News!!

2005-10-22T18:07:00.000-04:00

I'm going home for CHRISTMAS!!! WOHOOOO!!!

I'm so happy! My mom said I could. Her exact words were, "Relationships are more important that money." I SO LOVE MY MOM!!!!!! YIPPIEEEE

Sad News

2005-10-16T15:19:00.000-04:00

My uncle (mom's 3rd brother) passed away at 2:20 am Monday (Singapore time) in the hospital. He has been battling a virus that attacked him. And because of his alcohol problem, his liver and kidney were unable to fight back and collapsed. He fought for 43 days, and in those days, he came to know Christ personally and learnt to put his trust in God. Now, he has WON the fight and is now in the presence of the Almighty and loving God.

I thank all those who have prayed for him and my family. Pls continue to pray for my family back home as they go about making arrangements. Pls also pray for my aunty, my mom's oldest sister, that through this, she too will come to know Christ and also for her family. That she will realise that death is not the end, but can be the beginning of eternity with our wonderful Creator.

As for me, when I got the news via email from my dad, I called them and just hearing my mom's voice, even for a few minutes, made me break down and cry. I'm thankful that my room mate was there to hold me as I grieved. I am sad yet comforted by the knowledge that he is in a better place. I'm just feeling miserable for not being there to help during this time. I don't know why God brought me away from home in this time, but I know I can rely on Him and trust in His soverignty and grace.

Once again, thanks for praying.

Bye Bye Voice!!

2005-10-16T00:08:00.000-04:00

Hi all! I know, its been longgggg since I've blogged.

Well, just got back from Homecoming Ball! I actually didn't want to go, because I had to notion that these parties were bad. But I'm glad my friend made me go! It was sooo fun! No alcohol, no drugs, no hanky-panky!! Just plain old FUN!! I danced so mucccchhhhh!!! 3 hours of dancing!!! My feet hurt soooo bad!!! But I think this is good EXERCISE. lol!!! And, I've discovered that I can actually dance!! Several people were like, "Debby! You said you couldn't dance!! Yah right!! (Sacarstic tone)." hehehehe!!

Well, I've also been sick the last week. Bad headache, throat is sore. And its getting worst. I screamed so much at the party that my voice is about to go! EEEKKK!!

Its midnight now and I think I better CRASH!!!!

My Prayer

2005-09-18T20:53:00.000-04:00

An update on my spiritual journey.

I think that being away from home has been good for me. I am searching more for God and His comfort. I yearn to destroy the sins in my life and make Him proud.

There's this new yearning and longing for God and I think its great. However, the journey is tough. I am finding myself lapsing into my sins and after that feeling the guilt and the shame. I want to please God, but how?!?!?! I don't want Him to be angry at me!!!!

I noticed myself becoming more emotional. And that's not a bad thing, I think. Whenever, I heard God's people speak about his grace and mercies, whenever I hear a meaningful song, whenever I hear a sermon that seems to be talking to me, tears fall. Time and time again, God is using those around me to call to me, remind me and prompt me. Maybe He has been doing it all along, but my stubbornness and willfulness have been a brick wall. God is slowly chipping away at the wall and through the holes, His Word is pouring through.

I have started going back to doing Quiet Time. It's not been smooth and I have a long way to go. Somedays I find myself not doing it and I keep pushing it off. I have to force myself. But you know what? When I go to His Word with a quiet mind and with no distractions, I find Him pressing on my heart and jolting me.

Let me share something I learnt from reading "Our Journey". I was doing my QT on the September 1st article and it is titled "Do Something Radical". The verses are Hebrews 10:26-31, with the key verse being verse 26.

It goes like this:

"If we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins..."

What impacted me was that THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!!! God means it!!! If I continue to deliberatly sin even after I have accepted God into my life, there will not be a sacrifice for me anymore... That means facing the terrible consequences of God's judgment. This is SCARY!!! When I face God, will I be hanging my head in shame? Will I regret all the sin I commited AGAINST God?

Oh God, pls work in me. Pls shape and chisel away at my roughness. Pls help me to accept whatever you put in my way and grow to know you so deeply and passionate Lord. This is my prayer.

Where to Start?

2005-09-18T20:37:00.000-04:00

So much have been happening since I've last posted! Where do I start? Hm... I'll try to summarise.

My dad came to town for the RBC Ministries Intl Conference and I spent the last 2 weekends with him and the others. It's been a good time.

My mom was supposed to fly in on Sep 17. Unfortunately, her older brother, my uncle is in critical condition in the hospital. There was a virus that attacked him and he was pumped with strong antibiotics. However, years of drinking heavily have rendered his kidney and liver incapable of clearing all the toxics and thus his body is full of toxic that has to be drained out of him by tubes. He also has to go to dialysis every 2 days to give his body a fighting chance. As my uncle is a bachelor, my mom has to be there to take care of him and also give support to my grandmother who is very worried and anxious.

The good news in all these is that my uncle FINALLY accepted the Lord into his life, after years of stubbornness. He was also baptised and my mom has been reading the Bible with him everyday and praying with Him. It makes me think. When we get so proud and think we can rule our own lives, God has to hit us over the head with bricks to get us to pay attention to Him and realise our weakness and mortality. This happened to my uncle, I think. Years of God's gentle prompts went ignored and thus God had to do something drastic to get his attention. Of course, my uncle's choice to be an alcoholic also contributed GREATLY to this problem.

I don't know if I'm being mean and evil, but I feel that my uncle deserves it. We have told him for years that his body is being damaged by his drinking, but he chose to ignore our warnings. Now that his choice has led to this consequence, I kinda feel that he has been asking for this for years. I am more worried for my grandmother and my mom. My mom has to go to the hospital everyday to feed him and take care of him. She also has to take care of my grandmother and make sure she eats and sleeps and don't worry herself to illness. My mom is very tired. And I feel bad because none of us are there! My dad and I are here in the US, my brother is over in Australia. None of us are there to help shoulder the burden and support her emotional and physically.

My mom said that maybe the Lord has allowed us to be away when this happened because it makes the others in the family step up to the responsiblity and tasks. If we were there, we would be doing everything. My auntie and her husband flew down from Malaysia and have been there since. My other uncle visits him every night, even though he is very tired from work. My cousin helps to take care of stuff. If we were there, we would be doing all of these. So even though it feels like horrible timing to me, there is no stuff thing as horrible timing in God's plan.

Well, on to nicer news. I got an on-campus job with the Web Maintenance Crew. We maintance the school websites, build it, correct it, stuff like that. It pays quite well, compared to other jobs on campus. I start tomorrow (Monday) from 1 to 5pm. My other time slot is Friday at the same time.

I have a few items I would like you all to pray with me:

1. Pray for my uncle. That in this time of pain, he will grow in the Lord and learn to trust and obey Him.
2. Pray for my mom that she will have physical and emotional strength. Most importantly, spiritual strength. Pray that God will carry her through this as she leans heavily on him. Pray also for God's wisdom in her, to deal with the medical issues,t eh insurance and others.
3. Pray for my grandmother that her health won't deteoriate because of this. Pray that she will learn to quieten her soul and trust God.
4. Pray for me as I take on this new job. Pray for a good testimony in my work ethics, words, thoughts and actions.

I'm Alive!!

2005-09-01T18:31:00.000-04:00

Hilow!! I'm here!!! I'm still alive and kicking very hard!!!

This past 2 weeks have been CRAZYYYYY!! Orientation took up a good part of last week and over the weekend I sorted my room out, went to church with Uncle Bill and family and just tried to get on the timezone.

On Monday, I went to a job fair in the morning for on campus jobs. I applied for this Web Maintenance job with the Computer and Information Department of the school. Just basically updating the web site and stuff. Should be easy for me. They got back to me this morning and I'm going in next Fri for an interview.

Tuesday, school started. It was a longgg day. Started at 8am and ended 6pm. It was a whacked out day. I had the class Geology in the Field... and it never really occurred to me that it really meant IN THE FIELD!! We went to the sand dunes nearby and guess what... We climbed this nearly VERTICAL sand dune and others for over 3 hours!!!!! Now I did say I wanted to get fit... but not all at once! It was soooooo hard. I almost died from sheer exhaustion. And every class would be field trips like that!!! So after much consideration... ok, ok... the decision was made pretty fast, I decided to drop the class. So i ended up with 14 credits. So I though, hey, I wanna fill it up to 16 credit!!

Well... the only class that was open now was this Comm 300 level class that was 4 credit!! So now, I'm on 18 credit!! 2 over the recommended... And boy does my time table show for it!! Mon and Fri is pretty much only one class lasting one hour. on Tuesday, My classes starts at 8am and end at 5pm, with a one hour lunch break in between. Wed I have 3 classes that have longer breaks in between... now THURSDAY... is mad!!! I have 6 classes, from 8am to 5pm, with NO BREAK in between AT ALLL!!! So bascially, I survived today on zone bars!!!! Now, I'm SURE to lose weight like this.

Oh and for people interested, I've uploaded my pictures onto a collection thingy, so go look k? I'll update it when I get new pictures! http://deborahli.shutterfly.com/

My Arrival

2005-08-23T16:58:00.000-04:00

I'm safe and sound!! I arrived yesterday evening and was picked up by a student from the school. Unfortunately, 2 of my 3 check in bags didn't make it. They got stuck in Chicago because we only had 30 to 45 mins to our next flight and it was so rushed... immigration and baggage collections took eternity.

I walked into my apartment into a roomful of people. 2 of my roommates were there. along with one of them boyfriends and a roomful of guys. Boy was it a shocker!! Didn't expect so many people!

So anyway, they were nice and helped me carry what bags I had into my room. The apartment is nice. big enough for us. the living room is nice too. the girls have done up the place nicely and it feels homely. the only bare and undecorated place is my room, because both me and my roommate have not been there to do it.

I unpacked some of my bags and then went to bathe and then crashed into bed at 10:30pm.

Woke up this morning at 4 am FREEZING. The blanket that the intl students loaned me was THIN. Boy, I wished I had my comforter... its in my bags stuck in chicago. I put on my jacket and a thick pair of socks and went back to
sleep. Woke up at 7am because I couldn't sleep anymore.

I went to eat some breakfast and met up with a few people that I met at the airport yesterday as they were being picked up too. All 3 of them are japanese. There are a lot of japanese in this school. Then we went to meet with the intl student advisor.

We then went to get our textbooks and supplies from the bookstore. Then went home to dump them at home. I then went to collect the bags that have arrived from Chicago from the International Center. Thankfully, one of my room mates was around and helped me to lug one bag. I took the very heavy bag and it was so tiring and hard dragging it back to the apartment. Thankfully, halfway, this ground attendant was passing by on a cart and he was nice enough to drive me and the suitcase back to my apartment. then one parent of another student helped me carry it up to staircase to me floor (only one flight of stairs thankfully).

Now, I'm unpacking everything. In a minute, I'll run to the supermarket with my room mate and her boyfriend to get some hangers. I'll get the other stuff tomorrow when I go there with the International students.

See ya!!!

Manmade Disaster

2005-08-19T12:42:00.000-04:00

Ok, my room looks like a tornado flew through it and tossed everything about.... wait, it looks like I was in it!!!

Packing has been frantic the past few days, seeing as I've only a few days to do everything. Everything is dumped on my floor. I'm hoping to be able to finish packing my last check-in suitcase tomorrow, then start on my smaller carry on. then hopefully, pack my room into some sort of resemblance of order.... if that's ever going to happen!!

3 days till I fly! WAHHHH! time sure zooms past!!!! I can't believe I'll be flying over soon!! Unbelievable!

Ok. back to packing... oh wait. i think i better go sleep.

Vulnerability & Control

2005-08-14T11:16:00.000-04:00

Went out today for dinner with some of my church Young Adults. 17 of us. I was a fun time I guess, but most of us were exhausted from the full day at church. I also realised something. All the time not spent building up and continuing the friendship with them has made a mark. There's nothing much to talk about between us. Most of them barely know me and they have told me that before. They have told me that I am very hard to get to know personally as I don't open up to them.

I admit that. I find it very hard to open up my inner most feelings and thoughts. It takes a lot of hard work on the person's part, a trust that takes long to build and a sense of being comfortable. I also hate opening up because it makes me vulnerable. Vulnerable to betrayal, vulnerable to attacks and also makes me accountable. I know being accountable is neccessary to help keep me clear before God... But I hate it! I hate having someone giving me that 'look', that 'eye' that says "You shouldn't be doing that." I hate having to explain my actions, and analyse everything I do.

It's all a matter of control. I am a control freak. I want and need to know where I'm headed to, what I'm doing, and control each situation. It's a gift and yet a curse. Its great to be such a person when managing things.... but it's horrible when you have to give control over to God and trust and follow obediently, even though I will have no way of knowing where He's taking me. That's my BIG issue with God. That and giving up some indulgence in my life.

Funny how a simple outing can make me think all these...

Voice of an Angel

2005-08-10T11:29:00.000-04:00

I just came back from Corrinne May's concert!!! wohoo! It was SELL OUT! All 1600 seats SOLD!!!!!! The response from the audience was EXTREMELY good!! And if you know singaporean audiences, we are a hard bunch to please. But she got us all laughing and mesmerised by her! We even clapped so long she had to do encore after encore!! here's a run down of the concert:

Corrinne looked STUNNING!!! She is tallll, esp for a Singaporean. Longgg legs. Her hubby looked adorable!! hehehe, like a cuddly teddy bear!!

Corrinne went through pretty much most of her songs in the 2 albums! I was so impressed by how on-pitch and passionate she was!! At the first song, she was a bit nervous and didn't dare to look at the audience, but after getting into the song, she loosened right up!!

She is so natural on stage and not "acted". Her jokes were funny and impromptu and I loved when she explained each song's meaning and beginnings!! Gives me better insight into how much of her life goes into her songs!!

The mic incident was hilarious. After a song, her mic suddenly couldn't work. so while the mic people went and set up a nice one, she entertained us by playing a random melody! I can't believe how talented she is to just come up with a melody and even some lyrics on the spot!!!

Oh, and her forgetting the line from "The birthday song" is hilarious too! It just showed her as a person like all of us and not a "more perfect than real life" singer!! I like how she handled every hiccup and bump during the concert! She kept calm and kept the atmosphere light!!

The song that touched me most was "Fly Away"! She sang it with all the emotions so well, that it really touched my heart and I teared up!!! It's really perfect timing for me as I'm leaving for studies too and the song really portrayed my mother's sacrifice the best!!

Oh and I also liked how she thanked her parents before the last song!! She "Saboed" her parents while they were in the audience by saying out their full name and even describing what her mom was wearing!! lol.

The encores were terrific! One person in the audience shouted for her to sing a chinese song and you should have seen her expression!! lol. She kept saying no way! her chinese was too bad! her even threw in one line of the ONLY chinese song her knew, some children song. lol. then she mentioned how her brother was listening to an interview she was doing on a radio station and turned it off because of how horrible her chinese was!!

Her family seem to be very closed knit and i'm happy for her!!

I'm still on an adrenaline high!! Can't sleep! It was AWESOME! I wish it never ended!!!!

Ps: Corrinne's blog link is on the right. Her website add: http://corrinnemay.com/

Go check her out!!

Wohoo!

2005-08-02T10:16:00.000-04:00

Ok, i plead temporary insanity for the last post. I just had an overwhelming need to do that! lol.

Well, i heard from my roommates in college! Wohoo! There are 4 of them. Jessica, Sarah, Molly and Lindsay. I think 3 of them are 21 and one is 20 this year. I'm going to be the youngest. All of them are from the US.

I'm getting excited about going to Hope college!!! Can't wait!

???

2005-07-28T23:34:00.000-04:00

JUMPIDY JUMPIDY JUMP!!!

WEEEEEEE

AHHHHHHH

ok... enough

Goodbyes and Hellos

2005-07-26T02:39:00.000-04:00

My Brother's gone back to Australia for his honours. I won't be seeing him for one year since I'm going over to the US to study. ONE YEAR!! That's too long not to see my brother. I miss the fun times we had... the times where we used to see who could poke each other's arm the most!! lol. Yes.. we're silly!

It is so good to be close to my brother! It's a rare thing these days! I am so thankful for it and I do know that I can depend on him when I need it, after all, this is the brother that would warn people to stop bullying me in primary school!! hehehe.

Anyway, Thanks Ann for the comment on my previous post. I guess I forgot that didn't I? Been looking at me, me, me. Well, there's no I in God. Thanks for your passion for the Lord. Its is very refreshing and makes me think. :) It's a long hard road to me finally letting go of my life (I'm very stubborn and a control-freak), but I guess I'll get there eventually as long as I like God do His work, right? It's like a hello... a start of a new relationship.

Hello, God!

Tired

2005-07-22T13:22:00.000-04:00

I'm tired of life. I'm tired of going through the "routine", living my life just waiting for school to start. I'm just tired. Sometimes, I wish I had the power to freeze everything and step out for a moment and take a break from life. You know, its very tiring living, especially living a life that refuses to let God in. I know I made a conscience decision to break away, just to see what it would be like without Him. And I guess I am seeing things now. Life without meaning plains STINKS. What am I living for day to day? What's the purpose of waking up every morning?

But my stubborn soul refuses to cave in, refuses to turn in. Sometimes, I feel like I'm floating outside my body. Like I'm seeing my life go by. I'm in a weird position. Part of me has given up on ever truly experiencing a life with Christ in it, the part that is lazy, sinful and selfish. Then there's the other part that is urging me to turn my life back into His hands, the part that yearns to know the true meaning of being His child.

Two conflicting parts. Who will win? Who will I allow to win? It's still too early to find out. I'm just living each day and going with the flow. Doing nothing stop or start anything meaningful. Funny ah?

Sometimes I wonder how I can be so cool and cynical about this. This concerns my soul!! Shouldn't I get worked up and make a decision?! I guess, after living 19 years pretending to be the holy and god-minded person, I have plain given up. It has been extremely tiring and draining keeping up the lie and I'm sick of trying.

We'll see what happens...

My Brilliance... Yah RIGHT!

2005-07-21T10:49:00.000-04:00

I like this layout, don't you? Simple and nice! Thanks goes to Francy.com and hours of searching the world wide web for this. I think its classy and simple and nice!!

So anyway, I got my class schedule for my coming Term in Hope College yesterday. Another reminder that time moves fast. Soon I'll begin a new chapter in my life. A chapter away from my family and friends... Facing the big unknown of college life and surviving in a different culture and environment. I'm very excited.. but I'll be lying if I said my heart wasn't pounding with fear at the thought...

I guess the 6 months over there did prepare me for this. I know most of what will happen and what I'm getting into. I'm going with my eyes wide open and I guess I'll have a lot of advantage over the other international studies there. Thinking back, it was a brilliant idea to do my internship there... Somehow, I suspect it was not my idea, even though it seemed to be... Somehow, I strongly suspect God was behind it all. God is a clever one... He does things and we dont even know it, thinking we were the wise one.. AH! Get Real! All our supposed wisdom and intelligence can never compare to the true brilliance of God.

New Layout New Place NEWNESS

2005-07-21T00:42:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I finally caved in... I'm going to use blogger for my blog. I'm getting tired of having to archive my posts myself... So back to the system where all i need to do is post! hehehehe!

Right now, the system is still in bugness.... working on the template I got from someone. so the image is missing and stuff like that. When I settle everything in the template, I'll work on linking the past archives on my server.

So, what u think?